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Coming out, but skipping all the emotions and cheap talk?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Throwaway Duck, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. Throwaway Duck

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    This may be a bad idea, I just want some sort of answer if something like this is possible at all. I've been grown apart, alone lately and am just trying to find a quick way out of it. I just copy and pasted this from somewhere else that got no reply.

    I'm not one for personal conversations with people: in fact, for the most part, I'm very reserved and quiet when it comes to things like sexuality and relationships, or disturbed by the use of innuendos. People have told me about conversations they'd had where, "_____ is going to fall in love one day: I want to meet the girl that took his heart", which is kind and flattering, but shows to me how oblivious everyone must be. Unless they're all lying, which is plausible.

    Anyways, regardless of that, I've been in the closet for six years and have grown to the fact that I've accepted my self, but I'm not comfortable with it, in a social sense. To myself, it's kind of a mixed back where one day, I'm okay, but the next, I'm self-loathing. But to the public, or to people I know, I can't just say it. In casual passing, in deep conversation: it just doesn't, (dare the pun), come out. I have come out three times, and I had to throw myself into a corner in order to get it done, (I wanted to twice, the third was unwanted.) That's my biggest dilemma.

    I would say that, sure, yeah, I'm ready to come out. Most everyone I know would be accepting of that, and those who wouldn't, I wouldn't miss anymore. And I feel it burning inside of me, pushing and the words in an attempt to escape. But the cage is locked sealed, and I just sit in silence, awkward as heck.

    So, in an attempt to break past all the walls and barriers, I'm thinking of just coming out on Facebook. It's risky, its kind of just throwing into the wind this deep secret I've kept for years. But I've already come out to my parents, (not by choice: they're accepting of it), and I don't have any really close friends, (the ones I would say I do, are the other two I came out to), and most of the people on my Facebook are people I would consider friends, not just people I go to school with. I don't see this as sharing a personal thing, but sharing something that'll bring me closer and make me happier if I did it. A problem I have is that I have brothers and sisters, (who would be accepting), and I know that would make things awkward at home for a while. There's one brother I'm not telling, but he doesn't live at home anymore and we're not close at all, that would fall along the extended family line, which I'm avoiding.

    I've become stuck in the conflicting problem where I don't want to talk about it with people, but I want to be out. I'm in my last year of high school, the last year I have to make memories and I would hate for them to be full of regrets, ones that I could of easily fixed if I hadn't been so afraid. And yet, I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it with people. So here I am, lost and stuck in a place of uncertainty, with an answer in either waiting around for time to pull me out eventually, or for me to corner myself and come out that way.


    TL;DR: Closet for six years, want to come out on facebook to avoid social interaction, anxious and afraid.


    Also, in an unrelated note, but there's a guy, (sigh), who I am seriously crushing for, who is also gay, and may have something for me, but doesn't say anything because he believes I'm straight, so my coming out may or may not bring us together. I would be a little upset, yeah, if it doesn't work, but it would be better than regret. Apparently, that's like the lottery in this whole thing, and it would suck to let it go by. But if I'm not ready yet, I just have to accept that.
     
  2. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    If you feel more comfortable coming out that way then you should. I think it's good that you've talked to your close friends and family first no matter how it happened because they matter the most. It makes sense that you're scared to have deep conversations with some of your friends about it because that can feel really unnatural and scary if you're not normally like that with them.

    There are other options if you want to do something other than facebook, like more personal but still not face to face, like over text or snapchat or something. But I think facebook is also a great idea and don't think it's cowardly. First, accepting yourself is pretty admirable. Some people can't do that until they're a lot older. Second, planning to tell people - no matter how you do it - takes a lot of bravery. It shows that even though you're really scared you know it's really important to you to tell people because you don't want to keep it a secret. If facebook is what works for you then go for it. Lots of people come out on facebook and I think as long as you've told those you're closest to then you're good!

    If you want to do something even less personal than a facebook message, there are some other ways you could do it. I know someone who just posted the "Coming Out Song by Ally Hills" or you could do a picture of you walking out of a literal closet and write "I'm gay" at the bottom if you're into humor, or you could write a message however vague or detailed as you want, it's whatever you're comfortable with.

    Good luck!