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Relief and now stress

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ColbieMarie, Jan 12, 2009.

  1. ColbieMarie

    ColbieMarie Guest

    So I'm out to 4 of my friends right now. Last week I was one the phone with Chris (who is one of them, and straight) and he was helping me apply for housing for next year (he goes the the University that I am transferring to).

    Me: Roommate requests, I guess I'll leave that one empty
    Chris: Hot girls
    Me: Uh, yeah, that would be cool, can I actually do that?
    Chris: Ha, I wish.
    Me: Uhhh yeah, I'd definitely be okay with that.

    It was such a relief to actually talk about this with someone in a not such a serious way. I felt like I had finally started to accept myself.


    Thennnn Friday night I was at my friend's house partying-ish. I was talking to my friend Sean (gay). I was telling him of my frustrations and confusions. He was very supportive and reassured me that he had been through the same things years ago. We talked for almost an hour on it.

    Saturday I felt all sorts of uneasy and uncomfortable about myself. I now feel the wanting to be straight.

    I don't understand why, after the superficial conversation I felt relief, and after the one that helped me get some things off my chest that I had really been needing to say made me feel so uncomfortable and uneasy.
     
  2. Greggers

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    Ooooh dont worry :slight_smile: *big hug*

    This is so normal its not even funny! I do this day and night. I dont exactly know why, but its an emotional roller coaster we seem to all go through when we are relitivly new to coming out. Its been the past two months for me ive slowly started to come out. Ill feel like dancing to abba and screaming to the world im gay one minute, then the next the feelings turn to guilt, shame, and depression and wanting so bad to change.

    I had very close talks with some of my straight friends, like:

    Her "Oh lets go see Hes just not that into you when its out"
    Me "thats a romance one right?"
    Her "yup. Ben Affleck is in it. Im guessing that just sealed the deal for you"
    Me "um...yeeeeea. Opening show, ill meet you there?"

    Its amazing being able to talk to a friend about the same guys we like, ect. ect. And they are TOTALLY cool with it! It does not even phase them, and thats the greatest thing ever. Keep these people close, have them on speed-dial for the times when your feeling rough.

    And yes, i have my lows just like you described. The worst of them being sitting in my bed crying while holding a sharp object, and wanting to hurt myself in some form because im not like everyone else. Well the best thing ive found during these times is to

    a) Use your Phone a Friend lifeline. You have unlimited uses!
    b) Hop on to Empty Closets, blog, forum search, chat room!
    c) Make a mix CD or playlist of inspiring songs to lift you up
    (PM me if you want a few good ones i use!)
    d) Write during the good times. Write why you love yourself, why your accepting and happy of yourself. Use good quotes, words from friends, whatever you need. Keep this writing close for when you feel bad!

    I dont know if any of this helps, but just know your NOT alone.
     
  3. Lexington

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    Keep it up. You'll find that for most friends, it really isn't a big deal. Because it isn't. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  4. acorn7

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    Don't worry about it, as Loveislove said, it's an emotional rollercoaster.

    I did find that talking about gay stuff normally and superficially :slight_smile:P) did help me accept it more. Made it more real. Good luck!
     
  5. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I think that this is quite normal, actually, and I shouldn't worry about it - even though it is very, very frustrating and feels like a complete rollercoaster.

    I have a gay (female) friend who, when I go over to her house or we hang out, we make casual remarks about, say, actresses or just about gay things in general - in a completely normal, non-eventful, big way. Us hanging around together isn't about us "being gay", but we can be so openly with each other, in the way that people are openly sraight with their friends. I love these conversations and during and after them I feel completely normal and as though there is nothing wrong and that everything is OK with the world.

    However, whenever the two of us have discussed things seriously, or I have done so with others - which sometimes we all need to do, to get things off my chest - I always end up feeling worse just afterwards. This isn't because it's not helpful - in the long-run, it is - it's more because, I think, at those times I focus on the problems and frustrations that come along with being gay and this gets me down.

    In short, joking around and being able to refer to women or whatever in a light-hearted way, as women would normally be able to do men, makes me feel normal. But talking about things and the problems that there are in being gay highlights the differences between me and the majority of the world. And I think that that's where the difference in your feelings after the conversations come in, rather than because you're moving back and forth or anything.

    But talking about things with people is important, even if it does make you feel down and unsure for a bit. But it also sounds good that you're able to get a bit of casual talk going, making everything seem totally normal (which it is!). Both of your feelings are valid, as your first conversation merely demonstrates that it's normal and can just be incorporated into your life, whilst the second sort of acknowledges that perhaps not all the world feels this way, and that perhaps you still have a little way to go to completey deal with this.
     
  6. TEres321

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    I know exactly what your talking about but in a way different. When i talk with my girlfriends (like female friends, <-- see gay :grin: ) rarely we talk about guys, when we do though, i feel like it should be a whispered matter, sometimes i wish i was straight SO badly, i just wish it would be that way, i mean, sincerely i love who i am, but its just so confusing. And i know your not at the age that im at and that my input may be insignificant seeing as your 6 years older than me, i definitley know what you mean, that need to feel even the slightest bit normal, its just so weird, especially seeing as ive told only one guy i liked him and we rarely talk anymore, sometimes i just wish it werent that way. I dunno, but i understand in a way...
     
  7. Amy

    Amy
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    (*hug*)

    It's part of the stress of coming out. You will go back and forth alot.
    (*hug*)