I'm 20, lesbian and out to a select few people I trust. I'm also very fortunate to have support and mostly a positive coming out experience. I'm really lucky to be where I am now. My main difficulty is being comfortable with being out, for it to be common knowledge, easy to just say 'I'm gay'. If that's even possible? I think most people won't give enough of a shit about my sexuality and my area is generally LGBT friendly, but I want to manage the anxiety better. I don't want to feel like I have to hide this part of myself so much. Neither do I feel like I have to explain myself all the time, surely there's a balance? Am I making sense? Or is there a way to fake being comfortable with it at least? I came out when I was 15, and this anxiety could be as a result of being outed in high school at one point. I think it's also linked to a fear of rejection. I particularly fear getting some kind of rejection for coming out, from family/friends that don't know yet. And I think that's unhealthy, because I'm not wrong for being who I am. I feel like I'm placing too much importance on this in the first place and letting it affect the way I connect with others (considering, most people in my city are pretty much supportive anyway). At the same time, I'm feeling lonely because I feel like I can't open up. I feel sort of stuck. What about your experiences? Any thoughts/ advice would be much appreciated. D.
I have the same problem here. My advice is , coming out takes lot of time, understanding and comfort, if your not ready, don't come out to everyone. It took me a long time to be comfortable in my own skin,and I think it does for a normal person. But once you are fully out, I think you'll be a lot better feeling , I was, but don't rush yourself Hun! Take your time, be understanding ,share your feelings and you'll be ok.
Thanks kat. Are you out to most people in your family? How was your experience/how did you do it? I'd love for the rest of mine to just know, I think it's worse in my head/ the closet.
Hey DaniLM. I came out to my brother and dad but not my mom yet but I am planning to soon. I tried to get over the anxiety by thinking in my head, whats the worst that could happen as he accepted my brother being gay really well. As the previous post said don't come out if you are not comfortable or ready or both. It should not be a forced thing. The anxiety should start to relieve itself when you feel more comfortable to come out. It may be easier to come out to the other family members when they are happy as they may be able to take it better than when they are sad. Also take part in exercise. It is both really important for your physical health and mental health. It will help to relieve the anxiety and stop you from thinking about it too much. From what you said about your area, it makes me jealous. Most of my classmates, I think aren't so accepting of LGBT but your area sounds like it is accepting so surely this will make it easier for you. To get to the point, my advice is to give it some time and see if you are getting more comfortable and more ready and less anxious. It would be great to see you getting more ready and comfortable before coming out as it takes less of a toll on your mental health. This is just my opinion. From what I read in post #3, you think your mind is making things seem much worse than they really are. This is if I read it correctly. This could be very true. The human mind is known for over judging many things and making things much worse than they really are. I don't know if what I'm going to say is the correct course of action but I will give my advice anyway, sorry if it's wrong! May I suggest to you meditation exercises? Not only for this matter but they can help whenever you are feeling down. The main one I do is breathe in through the nose and breathe out through the mouth. Make sure to focus on your breathing and try to cast away any other thoughts. This may require concentration so make sure you are in a location where you do not get disturbed. Also there is special music to help meditation and I am sure if you google meditation exercises you will find some that work for you if mine doesn't work. If you don't want music, you can try and picture yourself in someplace which you like. For me, it is floating on the ocean on my back, looking up at the clouds. Then I imagine landing on a sandy island under a palm tree and relaxing listening to the waves lapping in and out. I hope I could have been of any help to you, Good Luck, TheBiBoy
Sound advice BiBoy, thank you for your help. Loved the meditation part! You make some great points. Best of luck with your coming out experiences too. Dan.
