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idk what to say to him anymore

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by cromig, Jan 13, 2009.

  1. cromig

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    ive been with my bf for like a month now. when we first met we were talking and we found out that we had both gone to the same hospital. this to me really helped me connect to him.
    but now two things are happening.

    ive been feeling really crapy whenever im not talking to him or whenever im thinking of him. i know this is all just me but idk how to keep busy and not think about him. one of my really close friends said that i have gotten to attached too fast. i mean before him i had given up on finding anyone and that there was no point of being with anyone. so i ve gotten back into my old slump, never wanting to do anything at all.

    AND lately he has been feeling really bad about how he looks again, and i dont want him to have to go thru all the stuff again. i keep trying to tell him that he is perfect and that there is nothing wrong with how he looks. and its rubbing off on me, im stating to be really self conscience.
    i love him to death but hes not having the best affect on me and i cannot just drop everything between us.

    idk what to say and do anymore... :help:
     
  2. Lexington

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    First off, about your friend's comments about his looks. Don't tell him he's perfect. Because he's not - nobody is. I know you meant well by saying that, but he can simply brush that compliment aside, thinking "it's not true". Because it ain't. Instead, give him compliments that he CAN'T brush aside. Don't frame them from an objective view - keep it personal. Don't say, "Your hair is really attractive" - say "I really like your hair". And do what you can to get his obsession back into the framework of reality. "You know, most people aren't really hot OR really ugly. Most are just kinda average. And I think you're a lot better than average. :slight_smile:"

    As far as you go, well, that one's a bit tougher. If life was pointless before, and pointless after, there may be something bigger going on. You may want to swing by your school counselor for a chat - he might be able to give you a bit of insight there. In the meantime, before you go to bed each night, make yourself a checklist of things that need to be done the next day. And then, do them. This should help keep you on track, getting stuff done.

    Lex
     
  3. badwolf104

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    I know this from experience, you can't fix your boyfriend. I know that sucks to hear, but it just wont happen. If he has issues with his apperance, telling him how perfect you think he is won't fix things. The only thing you can do is tell him, "I think you are attractive and fuck what everyone else thinks", but in a softer way.

    You said you were both in a hospital, so this is just something he will have to work out by himself. What you can do is lend an ear when he needs it, a shoulder to cry on, and let him know that you care. That is really the best you can do for him right now.

    Trying to get too involved in his problems will only make you feel worse.

    Hope this helps
     
  4. cromig

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    took your advice! thanks! made our days.... kinda lol.