Hi there I've been experiencing doubts about my sexuality lately. I've labeled myself as a bisexual for a little over 2 years now, since I had been attracted to both males and females, though I've never had a sexual experience with a boy. I have kissed some boys, but that never became anything. I just turned 20 about 2 weeks ago, and I have been doubting the fact whether I am actually just gay or not. In the last few weeks I've been feeling more (sexually) attracted to guys, and I feel like coming out as homosexual would feel liberating. I have been with my girlfriend for 1 year and 4 months now, and have always found her unbelievably attractive, still do. Even in the short time we've been together we've talked about living together and have imagined the rest of our lives together. We do still have sex and I enjoy it, but sometimes I close my eyes and pretend a boy is having sex with me. When I watch porn I focus on the guy most of the time, or I just look up gay porn. Also, just walking around and going to school, I look at guys more to see if they're attractive to me than I do girls. It's hard to explain, but something in me tells me that I think I'm gay, and would enjoy being with a man rather than a woman. To clarify, I THINK I am gay, since I'm still sexually attracted to my girlfriend. That being said, I could also still be bisexual, but like I said, I've had strong (sexual) feelings towards males lately and I would enjoy being with a guy. How should I even begin telling this to my girlfriend? (by the way, she knows I am bisexual and I have talked about my interest in guys.) I haven't told anyone else, I'm just too scared of the consequences. I have friends who would be supportive and parents who will support me as well. If you have any advice on how to approach this situation, please please please help. I don't want to lie to anyone, especially my girlfriend. It's hard to put my feelings into words, so I hope you get what I'm saying. Thanks for any advice.
Though I can't give you any solid advice on what to tell your girlfriend it is possible to be bi with a preference for one gender (or homo/hetero-flexible). If you're sexually attracted to two genders or sexes then you're bi even if you prefer one over the other.
Hello! I know how you feel. I had a boyfriend even when I knew I was in fact gay but I was too scared to tell him. I never told him the real reason why we broke up because I didn't want to hurt him like that. I think you should talk to your girlfriend about it because she's the one who will understand you the most. But it's ok to still be bisexual but favour one sex over the other - I know someone who likes boys 70% and girls 30%. It's not 50/50
Hiya I can totally relate to this one. Was married to female for over 8 years but also have feelings for men. Divorced because of something totally different and now feel more free than I did before to explore my sexuality. Haven't been full on with a guy yet but have had some experiences including deep kissing, bjs etc etc. How about you. How far have you been with a guy and how far do you think you would want to go? Be honest with yourself and in time you will also find a way to be honest with your girlfriend too, but don't beat yourself up over it at the moment Jamie xx
It could be that you are bi but you haven't had a chance to explore much same-sex stuff yet, and you are being drawn to it because it's exciting and unfamiliar. (That's how I am right now, for example.) Either way, you need to tell her if you plan to do anything about it in the future. Unless you think an open relationship is a possibility, you're going to have to make a tough choice. I'd share your feelings with a friend first if you have one that won't blab. It can be helpful to have a dry run.
Talk to her and talk to her again! This is best you can do for now. Tell her everything about what is bothering you. And the question is : do you still want to be with her? Do you love her? What is more important for you - stay with your girlfriend or explore your gay side? I can't tell you exactly what to do but i hope you will figure out your orientation
Good Luck. Just tell her as there is no point in living a lie especially with your girlfriend. If ye were together for a year now Id say ye are close enough to talk to her about that stuff. If you still love her and still want to stay with her just ensure her that you still love her and that you still want to stay with her or else shell think you are not happy with her and leave. If you certainly love her I would certainly recommend you to take my advice.
I totally understand how you feel, and I know that can also bea really scary place to be. Only you can know for sure, and it's good that you are asking questions. I suggest avoiding the various unrecognized labels as there's little or no evidence to support most of them, and often they just lead to more confusion. So it seems pretty likely you aren't straight, and there's also indication that you may not really have a lot of attraction toward women at all. The interesting thing about the coming out process is how complete denial can be. Someone who is gay but in denial will lilely have absolutely no idea whatsoever that he isn't straight. He could be in a relationship with a woman, have sex, experience orgasm... And still be totally gay. But... Often, as the cracks in the armor of denial start to show up... Things get interesting. Everything you describe (fantasizing about men while having sex with your girlfriend, paying attention to the guys in hetero porn, looking at guys) is consistent with someone who is gay and coming to terms with it. If I were to hazard a guess from what you've described, I see a lot more to support the idea you are gay and justo coming to terms with it than the idea that you are bi. So as for how to tell her... No easy way to do that. A lot depends on what your intended outcome is. I think I hear you saying that you see the relationship ending. In that case, I am a big fan of authentic, vulnerable conversation. So my choice would be to sit down with her and justo tell her exactly what you are feelin, and that you are pretty certain you are gay. (I, personally, wouldn't mention bi, as that will just give her a shred of hope to hold onto, and essentially just make her have to deal with the loss twice.) It won't be easy, but it is the right thing to do. This leaves you free to explore yourself, and makes her free to find the right person for her. It sucks in many ways, but not nearly as badly as saying nothing, getting married, and being stuck years down the road in the same situation.
SemJMClo, you sound like me about 5 years ago - the only difference is you're recognizing you're looking at dudes in porn and actively fantasizing about guys. I really repressed/denied these thoughts in myself for a long time, even well into realizing I was gay. I dated multiple women, and yet the denial cut really deep for me. Like Chip said, it isn't fair to your girlfriend in the current state you're in. Even if you tell her you need to break up and take a break and find out who you are. You could always get together again the future, especially if you discover you were just curious and not actually gay. Most straight males I know cannot look at gay porn, it seriously grosses them out. So that alone would indicate you're somewhere on the bisexuality to gay spectrum. It can take a lifetime to figure out exactly where you sit on it, but I'm given the impression you're not straight. However, even if you do possess an attraction to males, if you are bisexual and still feel truly aroused by your girlfriend, a heterosexual relationship could totally work for you. The problem is, like Chip said, if you are in denial and get married, the pain could be so much great. Look at this forum, there are HUNDREDS of stories of LGBT people in straight marriages who have gone through this. I would recommend a few things to read / watch. First of all, take the Kinsey test to get some kind of idea of what you're sex and opposite sex attractions are. It's not fool-proof or an exact science by ANY means, but it should get you to start to think about what you're feeling. Secondly, there's a great documentary from a series called Brainwash. The episode is called Gay/Straight. Highly recommended vieiwing. Lastly, you may want to read Gareth Thomas' biography Proud. He was the first openly gay rugby player, and his struggles with coming to terms with his homosexuality are put into very real terms in this book, and it's a powerful read. He was married to a woman as well, and I urge you to consider the book if you are considering going down the same path feeling these urges toward males. What you can do is continue to pay attention to who you're paying attention to. Who do your eyes really go to when you're at the beach? Watching porn? What do the thoughts of a hot guy in a tight t-shirt vs. hot girl do for you? How about kissing a male vs. female? Can you see yourself kissing a guy? Maybe more?
