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Not sure I could ever tell my dad

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jamie1975, Oct 25, 2015.

  1. Jamie1975

    Full Member

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    Hi Guys

    Starting to come to terms with my sexuality and beginning to believe in myself that I might be bi-sexual due to my genuine attraction to both guys and gals.

    Even had some "testing the waters" conversations with my ex wife that didn't go too bad. Don't get me wrong I don't think it is quite the right time to come out yet, but feel more comfortable than I thought I would.

    The one person though that I would struggle to tell though is my dad. I am 40 and he is 75 and very very traditional. He is very religious and most of his views stem from there, so know he wouldn't take it very well and would probably end up not speaking to me, which is sad as he has a grand daughter through me. Our relationship isn't great anyhow, so only end up seeing him about 3 times a year anyway and know I prob not in his will.

    Have read about doing a double envelope letter where you write an initial letter saying that there is another letter in a sealed envelope inside but they can only read it if he isn't going to judge me and will still treat me as the same person. If not you ask them to throw it away unopened. (The inner letter is the "coming out" one)

    Not sure if I should do this, or not tell him at all, but the risk there is that if I come out to everyone else there is the risk of him finding out from someone else. The other option is to wait till he is not here any more (as he is 75) but why should I have to live a lie.

    Any advice greatly received

    :confused:

    Jamie
    xx
     
  2. katcatastrophe

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    I would come out to him, and tell him how your feeling, I've gone through the same with the males in my family, and for the most part it just took time and understanding and it worked itself out, the worst thing to do would have been telling everyone else because then that would show you were hiding things from him and that ruins trust on top of the distress of coming out. Plus he might not be as understanding if he doesn't hear it from your side. Good Luck! I hope the best for you
     
  3. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    I think that's a question only you can really answer (sorry, probably doesn't make things easier).
    But think about how your life could be with either choice you make and what would be most important to you going forward concerning your dad.
    Sometimes people can surprise you, but you know your dad well and it's likely he'd have a hard time with it as you said.
    Think about if you don't tell him or wait till he's gone: would you regret it for a long time?
    If you did tell him and he didn't react well, would you feel better that you don't have to lie to him?

    This is a tough choice to make obviously and it's really not fair that anyone should have to make this choice, when it's about something as simple as sexual orientation.

    If you do decide to tell him, I think the letter option is a great idea (although just consider if the outside letter would tip him off and he would know what you want to tell him, or if he may think you're gay instead of bi.) He may not even understand what being bisexual really means and be a bit confused, so keep that in mind.
    I don't know how you'd feel about talking to him face-to-face but it may be better to explain to him in person that you want him to still view you the same (whatever you'd say in the letter)

    I'm sorry if this didn't help much, but I wish you the best!