Coming out as Asexual and Aromantic?

AVEN is pretty helpful in my experience.

Some are really skeptical and I still deal with the occasional 'you're making that up' but over all I haven't had too many issues.

 

Here's a chart that gives possible comments:


Things that people told me:

All people are really bisexual
I found sex disgusting until I fell in love
Are you sure you are not gay?
Maybe you are simply infertile because of cancer
But you would make such a great parent
But you are able to love children so you can't be... (Seriously... :dry
Just another label, stop reading the internet

Most of these by the same person. :icon_sad:

Anyway, it turns out that I am actually trans and feel disconnected from sexuality as a result, so technically, the "are you sure you aren't gay" comment was correct as I am most likely a lesbian. :lol:

Yeah, later on I came out to the same person as trans and surprisingly enough it didn't end well... somehow I didn't see it coming. :icon_redf

I hope it goes well... (*hug*)

 

Well, not to be a downer, but... prepare to be disbelieved. A lot.

The fact of the matter is this: Sexual people (any-sexual from homo to bi to hetero) often cannot comprehend what it feels like, or means, to have no attraction.

Take my brother for example. I told him that I was asexual and he, being quite the typical hetero dude obsessed with hot girls, came back later to tell me that he "simply doesn't believe asexuality is a thing" and I "just need to wait for the right person." He thinks my sexuality is repressed or that I am ashamed to have a sexuality because of the implications it could have with me being transgender.

But if you really want to come out...

>Stick to it. Be sure that asexual/aromantic is what you really are before you go around telling everyone. It's not very easy (and will discredit you) if you tell people you are one sexuality one day, only to switch it to something else later on. If you genuinely aren't sure then go with "questioning" or "maybe asexual."

>Try easing them - the people you intend to come out to - into the news. Chances are, as Yaeli duly noted, people have a lot of misconceptions about what asexuality means. I'd start with listing off how and why you believe yourself to be this way. For example, Ever since I was a teen everyone would be girl or boy crazy and I never felt that way. or I faked having sexual attraction to fit in, but really didn't get it. or When I was faced with sexual circumstances, it was uninteresting to me... There are many variants.

Personally, this is the route I've been going with my family. I've implied to my mother that I intend to stay single and also I haven't shown any kind of attraction to men or women. If they ask I'll tell them that it's not really my thing.

Another thing you could try is broaching the topic of asexuality/aromanticism in an educational format. Bring up a news story, or mention a notable person who is ace, then see their reaction (or ignorance). From then you can gauge where to go.

Best of luck.

 

In fairness, some of the statements on the chart are not entirely unreasonable or false. I'm not saying this to offend anyone, but many people are hiding behind the banner of asexuality to avoid confronting very genuine emotional and life issues and it's really not healthy.

There is a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation circulating on the internet about asexuality and some vulnerable people are buying into it all too quickly. It's like an unfortunate bandwagon.

Not denying the reality of asexuality for a small number of people, but there is a degree of truth in some of the statements on the chart.

 

Well, technically aromantic asexuality does fit the criteria needed to be asexual according to the stricter definition. With that in mind nearly everything on the chart is offensive or invalidating. The question is do you really believe that a person can truly be asexual?

I decided to stop identifying as aro but in the end I really do feel completely asexual, I've always felt asexual and I have never felt the need to be in a relationship or have sex eventhough I feel no disgust with sexuality. I chose to identify as a lesbian but your post actually helped me realize that I am probably wrong and my natural orientation is probably asexual and I'm ok with that. Discovering that I was trans when I was younger would have been nicer but one thing I don't regret is that I never had sex because I simply don't care, it is nothing to me.

I understand that you want to save people from a horrible life of not having sex but truthfully many don't need saving and if people want to enter into relationships without sex and just enjoy being intimate with each other in other ways what is the harm in that?