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My before coming out story?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by NamingIsHard, Oct 28, 2015.

  1. NamingIsHard

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    Hi, I am new here and I think the "questioning" title could be very temporary, but honestly I have no clue.
    I'm a very sheltered kid. I'm 17 and I didn't have any first kiss, relationship or even encounter with real life nudity.(excluding old people in locker rooms) I have just always had other things on my mind when I was around people. But a few weeks ago I gathered a bunch of evidence from my life and realised that I may be gay. Here is the story:

    In the first 14 years of my life I didn't care about any of it, I just didn't think about sex or relationships in a way that wasn't joking with friends. At that age I started watching porn. I didn't really like lesbian porn, only straight porn. But that's reasonable. I eventually came across one where the guy was naked first and was insanely hot. Even though the girl was doing some stuff, I realised that the first 2 minutes where you just see the guy naked turned me on more than anything. So I came to the only logical conclusion: I was into cfnm! I started watching that more than straight porn. It eventually became just watching pictures of naked guys and avoiding anything that involved 2 guys kissing or anything like that, because I still thought I was at best a bit bi-curious.
    In real life I didn't really get a boner from looking at shirtless guys, but I did find myself staring a bit too much once in a while. I'd find myself replaying parts of movies where a guy takes off his shirt or look up more pictures of those actors online. Almost all of my wet dreams have had naked guys in them, but there was no intercourse. At this stage I still couldn't imagine having sex with a guy or being in a relationship with one.
    It's not that I was 100% oblivious. The idea crossed my mind once in a while, but I dismissed it very quickly or convinced myself that I was grossed out. Once in a while I thought it was weird that I didn't have a crush, so I chose a random attractive female that I know and tell myself how hot she is and that I love her. Or I'd look at random women on the street and think about them naked. I'd try to insert women into my fantasies.
    A few weeks ago I accepted the idea of being gay. The switch in logic that it caused was kinda jarring. Suddenly I started watching gay porn and thought that I enjoyed it. I looked at naked pictures of women and found that I was turned on, but significantly less so. I stopped forcing myself to look at women and started forcing myself to look at men. I started looking more at this one guy in my class who I find really hot and he is also openly gay. The difference is so big that I am actually kinda scared to realize that I am denying yet again on the other end. Not thinking about girls for the sake of convincing myself that I understand now.
    I'm not sure what I'm expecting from posting this. I guess I just want to put it all out there. Maybe see comments about how porn is a bad indicator or others about how the "questioning" title on my profile is a blatant lie. What I know is that even though I feel like I mostly "get it". Even though I know that none of the people who surround me are homophobes. I still don't feel ready. I told myself that I'd come out at least as bi to my parents today, but I realize now that I don't feel like it. These last few weeks I've been obsessively thinking about it so much that I can't keep it in, but bringing it out seems even harder. I kinda wonder if I'll ever feel like coming out.
     
  2. Connorcode

    Connorcode Guest

    I wouldn't worry about your sexuality and coming out right now if you're still exploring your sexuality. Porn-wise, I was and am exactly the same, having watched straight porn first, then focusing on the men, then settling on mainly watching gay porn.
    I still haven't had any sexual experiences. I'm going to take my time and if it happens, good, but I'm not going to force anything.
    Ultimately, I'd suggest staying relaxed about your sexuality and coming out - make yourself comfortable with your sexuality before you come out to anyone.

    Best wishes! And, of course, welcome to Empty Closets :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Connorcode, Oct 28, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2015
  3. NamingIsHard

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    Thanks! I had a hard time finding someone to turn to in real life...
     
  4. DylaNolan

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    Hello,and welcome to EC !

    Well Being 17 myself and living 10 minutes away From Tel Aviv. You probably know
    that it's a great place to live if you are LGBT+ (we call it "The Gay City" for a reason,right? ^^). I was struggling a lot with my sexuality last year aswell,and there are many,many places there that you can go to and talk to people who alredy dealt with what you are going through right now,and can understand it better than you might think.

    About coming out to friends and family,my best advice I could give that even though you know that your friends and family will be cool with it,it can still be scary,because you are revealing a part of who you are to them.Tell them only when YOU feel it's time,and only when YOU want to and feel ready,there is no pressure in coming out. Because your sexuality is your own business.

    I hope something from what I said above came across as useful to you and helped you,if you have any more questions,feel free to ask me :slight_smile:

    Good Luck ! :grin:
     
    #4 DylaNolan, Oct 29, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2015
  5. NamingIsHard

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    I actually wanted to go to the um.."המטבחון". But, I don't usually go out with friends in the evening, so finding a day when both my parents and my friends won't expect me to be somewhere is pretty difficult. I think I'll try it this wednesday, I'm just kinda scared of them finding out this way.
     
    #5 NamingIsHard, Oct 30, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2015
  6. DylaNolan

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    Yeah,I used to go there aswell,it's around The Meir Garden area isn't it ?
    The last time I was there it was less than a year ago,and I do remember that it was open 3 days a week,I don't know if wednesday was one of those days so you should check it out on their website - you might find a phone number of one the counselors that go there.
    What I like about this place is that there are also parents of LGBT members from the support group for parents - "Tehila",they are great people,and it's easy to talk with them - you also get to see a parent's perspective.

    About getting there in the first place,I just used to tell my parents that I'm going out with friends,it was even more wierd in my case beause of my friends ever go somewhere,it will usually be the house of one of us (lol..) so suddenly I'm going to Tel Aviv with them? heh,in your case it's easier beacuse you alredy live there,you should just tell them that you're going to a friend's house to help you study or just meet up if you don't want them to find out.

    Good Luck,you got this !
     
    #6 DylaNolan, Oct 30, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2015