I have recently come out as being gay to people but now my head is confused again, I have found a really nice guy who i like and fancy and also we have made love which was really good but now i find that i am trying to make sure i am gay by looking at girls and checking them out sometimes i do see that there attractive and its screwing with my head. Help am i normal is this just part of coming out i dont want to go back in the closet again i didnt like it there and the happy days ive had are the days where everying just seems ok with being gay, is this the acceptance thing? ARGG Sorry that was a bit of ramble with no punctuation. You may have seen previous posts where i was married previously just to give this some context.
There seems to be a vague idea floating around that if you're gay, you have to think "girls are icky". And it ain't necessarily so. My partner and I go to burlesque shows, which mainly feature girls taking clothes off. And we think they're attractive. Some of my female friends are, in fact, drop-dead gorgeous. But although I can find them attractive or gorgeous, there's a disconnect. I recall talking to one friend for the first time, and having two distinct thoughts. "She really is the most attractive woman I have ever met face-to-face" and "I really am wired differently, because absolutely nothing is happening south of the border." All my straight friends were going gaga that I was talking to this girl like it was no big deal, but to me, it wasn't. She's just a person, after all. And one I don't have any interest in getting hot and sweaty with. Lex
Thanks lex that helps, i guess i almost assumesd that all of asudden things would change which it hasnt and it does upset me, because i know i am hapier when i am being myself. In fact i have just read several threads reporting roughly the same thing in that when you come out its not an instant fix and that you have times that make you just want to forget the part of you that you have been hiding for so long and just be like everyone else. SOrry crying there now pulled back together again. emotions high an dtired i guess. I just needed someone to talk to thanks. Oh and iget the talking to girls thing ive always been able to do that no problem.
i str8 guy can tell if a another guy is attractive just like a gay male can tell if a woman is.. the question is how easy it is for you eyes to look at that person.
good point i guess most of the time i havent really noticed attractive girls bizarre that its now though. Take friends for example when i was growing up it was always which one of the girls do you fancy? pesonally i always used to say phoebe truthfully Joey.. When i was with my wife i was never worried if i would find another mans wife attractive but rather if i would meet a hot husband. Brad pitt/angelina brad pitt. Buffy ofr angel? Angel. Hmm I think im answering my own dilema here. I just need to accept the change and myself.
Just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't find the opposite sex attractive. I think Patrick Swayze & Sam Elliot are quite handsome. But that's how far it goes. Most lesbians (or at least the ones I know) are not man haters. They're just not attracted to them. Same with gay men. I agree with Lex. I love looking at mountains,but I wouldn't want to climb one.
Guess its being oversensitive then. i know that i cannot go back to where i was. When i was in my teens it was really girls that fancied me that i ended up being in relationships with and even then looking back most of them were very masculine even my wife. People always used to joke about me being the wife. I know from having had a wife that sex with women was unfullfilling the first time with a man made me crazy. Thats why i know this is not something i can ignore anymore. Having people say to me that you may turn back is also not helpful either ivehad a few people say that. It just makes me question everything ive built up the bravery to do.
Might you turn back? Sure - stranger things have happened. But right now, it's guys that turn you on. You can either sit around waiting around in the hopes that maybe that will pass (not very likely), or you can go get yourself a guy. I know what I'D do. Lex
I have to say that this was a big source of trouble for me to figure things out. There was a little of time that I decided just not to label my self. I did figure it out though. That is exactly it. It seemed weird at first, but now I am used to it. It is funny I had to explain this a straight guy today He did not quite get the explanation. So I told him to picture him self walking in front of a gym and seeing this just totally ripped guy working out. I said, he is a great looking guy, of course you are going to notice him and acknowledge he is good looking. I said, are you going to think about him when you masturbate tonight? That drove the point home. Just another data point. I had a guy tell me I am cute today. That just freaking made my day. I've had women give me similar complements and I was like, well thanks and did not give it another thought.
Dont worry about it. Just try to let your feelings flow. Dont force or try to deny anything. If you are just aware without judging what you feel, you will discover lots of things of your true self. Everyone checks out girls and decide if they are attractive or not. Eaven straight girls. Kinsey says that all of us are bisexual in some percent. The important thing for me, is that we are individuals. Its not about gay, straight or bisexual. Those are just social tags. Its about us as individuals.
