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Finally came out, but...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Throwaway Duck, Oct 28, 2015.

  1. Throwaway Duck

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I did it. Recently, I was finally able to come out to people, most of my friends and my brother and sister. The reactions were fairly positive, from my friends who were supportive and loving. My brother and sister have not acknowledged it, nor will they, as my family is very hush-hush about these things. That does not bother me, I do not mind that.

    But even after I have come out, I am still struggling. While I may have been able to come out to most of the people I know, I still feel... hallow. I feel a heavy weight on my chest of air. And I feel jealous. Shortly after I came out on Facebook, another person- who I happen to like- also did it a few days later, (I had inspired them to do so, is what they said. They were already out to all their friends, just not their family.), but as I read their post, I realized something, and that I am still unaccepting of myself.

    Its an internalized homophobia that only effects me and nobody else. I can be around gay people and now I can even say the word, but I can't make myself feel better about that shallow, empty feeling. People don't want to talk to me about it, mostly because if they do, I get all bashful and quiet. I get all sad and depressed, and most days I wonder if this empty feeling and being gay are even related? I hope they are, and that this will fade with time, but I don't know. It hurts to feel this way, and I've done all I can do about it.
     
  2. Lionblaze111

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2015
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    Location:
    Washington State
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I think it'll just take some time to get rid of that internalized homophobia. Finding healthy support groups are very important. You are not alone in your thoughts. I've thought like that a few times before (although not to the same extent) but I am sure there are others in the LGBTQ community who feel like you do, and being able to express your feelings with others who feel the same way is great. I wish you the best!