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Should I come out to my friend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Alder, Oct 29, 2015.

  1. Alder

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    (Re: my sexuality)

    There's a friend I'm really close to and I'm considering coming out to her. A few worries though:

    -I used to have feelings for her, and even to this day, although I don't anymore, I still sometimes feel...something. I don't want to make things awkward, and I definitely don't want this to come between us in any way.

    -I'm not good at trusting people with stuff like this, and part of me will probably always worry she (or anybody else really) will tell somebody else (maybe by accident, or probably not deliberately, but still). In which case it won't be the end of the world, but I'd rather it be in my hands. The reason I want to come out now despite that is because I don't think I'll ever be 100% worry-free about this, and will probably always have a little bit of anxiety over wondering if I should trust someone. If I don't come out to her, I'm pretty sure I'm going to use this same excuse to never feel safe enough to come out to anyone.

    -Although she is fairly open and accepting, she is more or less clueless about a lot of LGBT+ stuff. When I talked to her about it in general before, she often resorted to talking and joking about stereotypes, even though I knew she wasn't trying to be offensive. I'm just a bit apprehensive that she might not understand or get the right idea of what I'm trying to say.

    -One last thing. If she asks how I know I like girls, I can not tell her it was mainly because of developing feelings for her many years back. I'll really have 0 idea how to answer this question if it comes up, but I don't want to blatantly lie.

    If I do decide to do it I'm unsure how I would. I don't really want to do it over a phone call or by writing a letter to her or email, I'd rather do it in person. But it's honestly very nerve wracking for me to do it that way, and I have no idea how to start it off. We don't see each other in person very often, we mostly just call each other. Should I just tell her I need to see her at a time we're both free and have that conversation? If anybody came out in person to a friend, I'd be happy to know how you did it and how it went.

    Thanks very much for reading (*hug*)
     
  2. Ally Girl

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    hmm that's a tough one, I'm not really sure how to help, I noticed when I came out people were really supportive even if they don't know much about the LGBT community, as to the knowing you like girls, you could say that you had feelings for someone before don't specify who, or you could say its just something you know, same way she knows what shes attracted to. how I came out wont help much I don't think, I told my bestfriend who had come out as bi/transgender before me then then text the rest of my friends while drunk, then made a facebook status to everyone then did the hardest thing I never thought I could do, I told my dad :O

    All I can say is go with your gut feeling, if you feel like telling her then tell her, if you'd feel more comfortable telling her in person somewhere quiet then do, I highly recommend doing it face to face that way you get to see the genuine reaction rather than over text in the end its up to you I wish you the best of luck
     
  3. Alder

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    Thank you for the reply and for sharing your experience too. I'll try to do my best and see if it goes well, if I do decide to tell her. I agree; I feel like in this situation it's better if I do it in person.
     
    #3 Alder, Oct 30, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2015