Lately I've just been really frustrated, the majority of the frustration stemming from my sexuality. I'm a male, 18 years old, and currently in my second semester of college. I've met great people and have had amazing experiences with them. But I'm just not happy. I've already come out to three best friends, who were all okay with it and tried to come out to parents who ended up not being so friendly about it. My Dad and I just don't talk about it, but my Mom later apologized and said she was willing to talk with me and not tell my Dad. But in all honesty, I just don't have the energy to talk to her about it. I've kind of stalled in the coming out process, having not really talked about my sexuality at all since November. I've thought about telling my friends at college, but then it just seems to be too much work and too much effort, even though I know they'd be okay with it. There's an active gay community on campus and know I could get involved whenever I wanted, but there's just something holding me back, something I really can't put my finger on. When I think about what a possible future family of mine would look like, I just kind of cringe. I'm the last person to be consumed by other's perceptions of me, but in all honesty, I just don't want to deal with that. I want to feel NORMAL. It would be so much easier to just pretend throughout life, pretend to be straight, have a wife and raise a bunch of cute little children. I know I wouldn't be happy, but at least I wouldn't feel so isolated from the rest of the world. I feel that the gay community is just all about sex. Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex. And that's fine. I find myself really afraid that I've only ever thought about sexual attraction to men versus emotional attraction. Could ANYONE help? Words of wisdom? Anything?
Being gay doesn't mean you're not normal. Telling friends doesn't take too much effort and doesn't have to be a big deal if you don't want it to be. In a few cases where I've come out, I'd just mentioned it in conversation casually and that was the end of it. Actually, the first time I did that, the girl I was talking to told me she was bisexual. If the thought of coming out tires you, you could always seek counseling or similar services through your college. Even if you don't want to deal with it currently, just keep in mind that you'll have to deal with it at some point. Maybe you're busy currently, in which case just remember that being gay is only a part of you, not all of you.(*hug*)
Do that. I have started hanging out at a local gay community center and it has been great. I have made so many friends, and it has helped me to become more comfortable with my self. Yes I felt the same way. In fact I think there is some truth to it. If you are interested in sex, go for it. Just be safe. However there are also a lot of gay guys that just want a relationship. I know that is what I want. I don't want to do the whole club thing, just hooking up with a guy and then repeating again the next week. There is nothing wrong with that, but I'm just past that stage in my life. Which is cool, I know I will find someone else that feels the same way. My thesis is, don't let your perceptions of the gay community stop you from coming out. There are a lot of guys out there. No matter what you want there is a guy that wants the same thing.
I know what you mean when you say you'd just like to be normal. I thought exactly the same last year... if only I could be like everyone else, everything would be much simpler. I think the best is to discuss your sexuality with the friends you feel closest too. Even if it's work, the more people you tell and discuss it with, the more you'll begin to accept it yourself. (At least, that's what happened with me — I was only truly proud of my sexuality and of myself after telling a good number of friends.) As for the gay community being all about sex, I simply think that's untrue. I used to think a bit the same thing I guess, but just looking around EC (fo real!) I realized that's just not the case. There are some great gays for who sex is just another part of life, and it's not all about that. I know myself that I value emotion over sex, and you seem to as well. That's already two of us I'm not denying some gay guys are pretty insipid and sex-focused — I made out with one of them and thought "Ewwww" afterwards — but that's just not all that there is. And I think the more you come out and explore the gay community, you'll find that there are all kinds of gays, just like there are all kinds of straight people. Hope it helps (*hug*)
