Hi all, I'm having a bit of an internal struggle with coming out, but its not because of the 'usual' reasons. My issues mostly centre around the fact that I've never been in a relationship with anyone of either gender (I'm bi), so the question of my sexuality has never come up. Because of this, I don't really have a frame work to build it around. I'm not in a relationship (or even thinking about being in one) with anyone ATM, so I don't have that. And my family and friends have all said in the past that in a general sense they're supportive of LGBQT rights, so I'm not worried about making them accept me. Honestly, the biggest hurdle I think I'd face is the fact that my mum would probably think that I was being a bit overdramatic (because I can be at times), and I'd have to make her know that I was serious, which isn't a big problem. And so I was just wondering how important coming out is to everyone else. I kind of feel like that no-one needs to know about it because there isn't really a reason for them to know. Like, if they did, then that would be great, but if they don't, then I'm not really worried about it? I know that the people who are important to me won't care, which is another reason I kind of feel like I don't need to. They tease me about whether I've got a boyfriend, but since I'm still attracted to guys, it's not like I feel anything negative about them not asking about the gay part of me. It's something that I've only just come to terms with, and there are times when I'm not 100% if I am bisexual, or if I think I am, so I'm convincing the part of me that isn't sure (if that makes sense). It something I've been thinking about for about 4 years now though, so I'm reasonably certain. The fact that I haven't experienced either an emotional or physical relationship with anyone makes me a bit hesitant to say for sure, which is another reason I'm reluctant to come out. I guess what I'm asking is whether coming out should be a big deal. Because the only stories I get are the ones about how people have faced down fears and felt this huge weight being lifted. I have no weight. There is no fear. It just feels like there should be something significant about the fact. And that I'm missing out because I don't have it. My orientation is kind of like my sex preferences: I'll tell you if you really want to know, but Im probably not going to volunteer the information. Thats probably a bit TMI, but I'm a naturally open person about this kind of stuff. I'm not ashamed. I just don't think it's anyone else business at the moment. Thoughts?
Hello, Personal opinion is that coming out doesn't matter as it only draws attention to normal stuff ... unless you want them to find you someone of the right gender or if you're asking them to bug you ''have you got a [insert gender] yet?'' [not in a -phobic way, just in that annoying parent/sibling way].
I think the importance of coming out varies from person to person. I came out because I knew it would just feel liberating and it really did. I can be more like myself now. Of course it's also nice that my grandma stopped asking me why I don't have a boyfriend and that my sister stopped asking me what I think about some guy that she saw on facebook or wherever. For me it's just more comfortable now. I also really wanted to tell the people that are close to me about what I just discovered about myself and just get it of my chest. So, If you feel like talking about it would feel good or liberating, do it. Especially because you know they won't be mad at you. I would say something like "I just learned something new about myself and I would like to talk about it." That's what I said to my mother and my sisters, because we are really close. I didn't come out to my aunts, uncles, cousins and so on, because I don't feel like it's necessary. I will probably just mention it sometime when we talk about LGBTQ stuff or if they ask me.
