In total I came out to three friends in total in the past month. EVERY time I come out to them (usually in the middle of a conversation) I just find some excuse to get away and I get these horrible panic attacks. I sort of feel all nervous and scared and my heart pounds a million beats a minute and i get incredibly nervous and just spend the whole day on my phone to try and forget the fact that I just revealed my biggest secret to my best friends. It feels like someone ripped a giant band aid off of my heart and in slowly bleeding out. I feel all raw and exposed like a piece of meat ready for slaughter. Of course my three friends are cool with it but I can't EVER get used to the fact that I came out. It's like once I say I'm gay out loud, my homosexuality becomes more real than when it's just in my head. In fact I haven't even hanged out with my three friends ever since I came out because I feel so uncomfortable that they know and I don't ever wanna talk to them again. How will I ever get comfortable with my sexuality?
You just have to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I used to get that same feeling even thinking about coming out, but I took some time learning to accept and love myself, and eventually came out to everyone. It was very difficult for me to get to this point, but one thing that really helped was knowing that not accepting or being self-conscious of my orientation was not going to change it, and I knew that more than anything in the world I wanted to be honest about who I was. I feel a lot better not having to lie about who I am and how I feel. I know it can be terrifying to be totally vulnerable like that, but it's something I love because I can truly be myself. I used to have trust issues from some serious betrayal in the past, but now I know that all I can do is be totally and honestly myself, and hopefully others will be honest with me as well. I have been in that place so I get it, but please don't cut your friends off because they know who you are now. It doesn't sound like you got a very negative reaction, (my bad if you did) so it shouldn't even change anything with your friendship. You are good enough and you are valid and you are not the only one. People have had to deal with this for years (since homosexuality became taboo) and have been dealing with anxiety for even longer. If you ever need to talk, you can hit me up. c:
