1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I couldn't do it.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by DangerousDan, Nov 1, 2015.

  1. DangerousDan

    DangerousDan Guest

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So I had decided to come out to my parents today, after promising myself for a long time that I would get it done well before now.

    I just completely froze up, I was sitting in the living room talking to my father and told myself just say those three words 'I'm gay' or tell him 'Dad, I've got something to tell you' and then go from there.

    It seemed like I was hitting my head against a brick wall for about three hours straight, no matter how much I wanted to tell him and no matter how much I told myself to just say those words I couldn't get them out of my mouth. :bang:

    Eventually I looked at the clock and realised that I had to be up early tomorrow and just said that I was going to bed.

    Urgh, I feel awful just now. I have no clue how I'm ever going to tell my parents when I freeze up like this all the time. :tears:

    Any advice?
     
  2. TaffySnowlepord

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2015
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle Wa
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I know exactly how you feel im going through the same thing no matter how much i try i just cant do it. My advice would be just keep trying when the right time comes you will be ready
     
  3. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    934
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New England, US
    Hey it's okay! Don't put so much pressure on yourself! Coming out is hard.
    I'd say most people have to give it several tries and lots of time before they can get the words out. It's especially hard with family members - even if they're accepting.
    Thinking about why you're scared exactly might help.
    Aside from them being accepting, sometimes it's hard to tell people you're really close to something you feel may surprise them since they already think they know everything about you. But really, they'd just be learning something new about you and even if they're not super accepting at first, often parents can come around given time.

    Try different ways of telling them. If saying "I'm going to do it in three days" doesn't work for you, that's okay. Maybe try doing it more spontaneously if you think that may help. It's different for everyone. You could even write a letter if you wanted to so you could get down everything you want to say/explain. It may feel weird/cheesy if you don't do things like that normally but if it works for you then it works. Another idea is to ask a parent (or both) if you could talk later or in a few days at a certain time, even by texting them if you want.

    Also, if you're really nervous about it, it can be easy to tell yourself "Well right now isn't the best time because...". No time is going to seem perfect when you're nervous. You just have to tell yourself in the moment that even if you're really scared and it feels terrifying to think about, it's what you have to do because it's what you really want and you'll feel a lot better once you get it out.

    Best of luck!!
     
    #3 bubbles123, Nov 1, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2015
  4. Vesley

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2015
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I know exactly how you feel. I've been out for 4 years and still get that lump in the throat sometimes when I have to tell people I'm gay. It's not an easy thing to do and telling family is 100 times harder than telling other people. Coming out is a very special thing and everyone's experience is unique to them. It's okay to change your mind at the last second. Coming out is about you. If you feel the need to come out, then you should come out. If you don't, then don't feel bad about it.

    To address your particular experience, you should think about why you want to come out. Do you really want to or do you think it's something you should just do? Coming out is easier when you have a purpose and if it's to better yourself. Another important factor is timing. Maybe you should set up a time and place you're comfortable with to tell your parents. Plan it out and then follow through. Or you can be super spontaneous. What ever works best for you. Lastly, there are lots of ways to come out. You don't have to say it in words or in person. Whatever works best for you. There is no 100% right way to come out. I hope this helps!