Hey everyone. I'm a 25 years old military member and I'm a very depressed, sad, and lonely man. Im from the deep south and live in washington state now. Father is a preacher, and I have 4 sisters. Home was very religious growing up. I knew I liked guys from an early age. Never knew why I just did. I never really acted on my feelings until I moved here. Seems like I don't fit in anywhere. I cry all the time. How does one deal with the pressure of it all?
Hello fellow Washingtonian What exactly are you feeling that makes you feel like you don't belong? I find that Washington is pretty accepting of gays, at least if you live in the more populated areas. Have you visited Capitol Hill? It's a nice area. Don't feel sad, though. Everyone belongs somewhere.
The few people that do know I'm gay always call me a "straight gay guy". It's like the guys I like are always my friends and I can't open up to them to get things off of my chest. I'm afraid of being lonely, which I already am.
Hmm.. a "straight gay guy"? That doesn't make any sense, haha. It's okay. There are LGBT clubs you can join, and Seattle is a very gay-friendly area. If you can't open up to your friends, there's other people you can get to know. Try mingling in the bars, the clubs, or even start up a conversation in a lot of the stores. There's hope You can always open up and vent on EC, as well.
Nomad, as a fellow "straight" gay guy myself, I can relate to your story - and no doubt you can probably relate to mine. Around the age of 25 I was incredibly depressed and lonely. Right around the time I was coming to terms with my sexuality I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years, and was basically paralyzed in my life. I wanted to do date guys, but I hated the thought of others' perceptions of me changing. I wanted to remain "one of the guys." At the same time, the gay scene was so off my radar I didn't know where to start. I was closeted to everyone, how could I try to date? I'm not into stereotypically gay things, so it took me a while to accept that about myself - every image of gay guys I saw was Jack from Will &Grace. And while a lot of those guys certainly exist, I've come to learn gay men - like straight men - come in all different shapes, sizes and personalities. As far as coming out, this is something you're going to have to come to terms with yourself. You *understand* you're gay, but do you accept it? It's like using your right hand for everything when you're left handed. It gets really hard to hide after a while, and leads to frustration. Like Steve said, you need to meet other LGBT people & our supporters. Having a gay friend to confide in and explain what I was feeling completely changed my life. Hearing "it's okay to be gay," from a fellow gay man changed my life. Please stick around here, ask questions, and learn from others. Many of us have been in very similar situations to wfat you're going through. If you want to talk more, feel write to message me in my wall.
Thank you to the both of you. I am fine with myself, or at least I think so. Some days I'm ready to tell people I trust, and most I wanna crawl under a rock and cease from existence. Yeah there are a bunch of Jacks from Will and Grace (nothing wrong with that) and I realized that I'm the polar opposite of that. I was never trying to be "one of the fellas" Im terrified of the aftermath. I hear and see people say all the time "if they are your real friends they will still love you etc" bit is that really true? I feel like I don't have that person or people to relate to besides here and I thank you all for that. I'm tires of being lonely. I try to deny it but I've developed feelings for one of my closest friends, but not without a warrant. The things that have happened make me question him. Then there is the possibility of losing him forever if I come put to him. Where is the win in all of this?
The win is that you are finally able to really let people in. You finally get to look at the people in your life--and, yeah, it's possible that some may leave you--and know that they are really there for you, not for the front you've put up. You don't have to worry about people walking away if they find out because they already know. It can be immensely freeing. I also grew up in a very religious household and dated women pretty, well, vigorously. People were surprised to find out I was gay, still generally are the first time it comes up. I had no idea how much I was reigning in and how much I was really shutting people out until I just stopped. I have to say it actually improved most of my relationships. I remember my Mother commenting that it was like I was finally really there. My Father commented that it was like there had always been this thing that sat there between us and he just couldn't figure me out or really relate to me. Once he knew what it was ironically we were finally able to get past it. As far as the whole "Jack factor," in my experience there are a lot more Wills than there are Jacks. But you have to be pretty out to find them because, well, they just don't stand out like the Jacks, especially if you are operating under the assumption that people are straight until they "Jack out" on you. The problem really isn't being gay, the problem is the closet--and you'll never really know how it's affecting you until it's over... Stick around. Let us know how it's going.
