Parents said burn in hell

I told my parents after I ended a 9 year relationship with a female... they basically disapprove or don't particularly care to hear about it. My mother told me to burn in hell and my father basically said he doesn't approve. It's really depressing not having anyone to talk to about my feelings regarding my sexuality without having to feel judged in a negative way. I am the way the way I am. I'm attracted to men more than women and I'm single now, and I'm going to see who I'm going to see. I'd hate to tell them that my first time and current "FWB" is over 20 years older than I am. I'm no longer ashamed of being who I am anymore. I'm ready to embrace this other part of me. I'm not going to hide away my desires because others don't like it. It's my life in the end and I want it to be a happy one. If that means I want to spend it with a man, I really don't care who likes it. I'm just still at the point where I'm partially in the closest. I finally came out to everyone as bisexual. I didn't really get any positive response except from my childhood best friend who I haven't even spoken to in years. I try to stay positive, but it's difficult to keep that mind-frame with all the negativity around me regarding it. I have depersonalization disorder, which is a dissociation disorder. It basically means I disconnect from myself/emotions in order to cope with my anxiety. (which in end results causes even more anxiety)

I don't want to and can't disconnect from who I am anymore. I'm tired of feeling like a puppet to life. I want to be happy in life. I know that one day I will get to the point that I can fully except myself and no longer feel guilty for the way others feel about me. It's harder said then done, but I'd say I've come a long way already. It took me years to accept this part of myself, and it still overwhelms me from time to time. I just want to feel "normal" if you know what I mean. I want people to look at me for being a kind and caring person. Not who I love. If you have any comments or answers for me, it would be most appreciated. I know that I have always been gay and I tried to hide it to please others. I'd say at this time I wouldn't concider myself open as I basically told only a few close people and then pretended it never happened. That's what I've always done. Pretended it didn't happen or those feelings never existed.... But who am I kidding? I'm only kidding myself. I don't know why, but it feels like I hate a part of myself... and I don't want to at the same time.

 

thanks for the comment, it means a lot