A bit heart broken today... need to tell somebody

Warning: Teenage self indulgence alert!

There's a girl who I'm friends with who I've liked for about 3 years. I'm not in love with her or anything, but I have a pretty abiding crush on her. I definately would like to go out with her, and only about 4 days ago I had a dream about being with her. She knows I'm [not straight] and she's [possibly] bisexual too. She's the girl who I once posted about (if any of you remember), who at a party told me she liked me and we almost kissed. GOD, I would give anything to go back to that party and just kiss her.

Anyway, things are pretty complicated, but I thought there was another girl she liked. She rather worships this other girl, although she's oblivious. It was painful that she liked the other girl, but I was used to it, and they weren't goether, so it was OK.

Anyway, today I just found out that she's going out with a boy in my friend circle who I HATE. I've hated him for a long time because he's just a toe-rag, but for some reason the rest of my friends like him (I know this sounds like I'm the bad person here, but I can't be bothered to explain how obnoxious this boy is. I just promise you he is.)

I just found out randomly, because someone else was mentioning it to the girl's twin, who is another of my friends. I didn't know before that, so I asked the twin if it was true and she was just like "Yeah! How could you be so stupid not to realise?" She was just mean and then sodded off to the library. (She's always like that to me atm, which is another story really). Apparently they got together at the weekend.

Anyway, so after that abrupt discovery (and being told I was so idiotic for not being told they were together earlier - umm, right) I just felt so terrible. I know it was stupid of me to let my liking of her hang around so long, but it's too late now. Now she thinks that going out with a boy [who could practically be called 'universally hated prick' and nobody would notice the difference[ is better than me.

Unfortunately I had a free period after that, and I started crying. So I had to just rush to the toilets before it became obvious, and guess who I should walk past as I was heading there, but the girl and the boy with their arms round each other's waists, laughing and whispering. So I spent about half an hour crying silently in the loos (which I'll admit was pathetic and self-indulgent), and hoping nobody would hear. Then I had to go to lunch and make like I had a cold.

The end.

[Sorry to ramble on and on. I know it's stupid. I just don't really have anyone to tell because all this is happening so incestuously in my friend group. Thanks for reading, if you got this far.]

 

Thank you Becky (*hug*) You're just like my Mum now (*hug*)*sniffles* You're right, I should realise that it's not about me.

Thanks everyone else too (*hug*) I suppose this hurt particularly because she always represented the possibility of me having a girlfriend; whenever I felt bad about myself I could think "Well, she liked me, and maybe she still does a bit or would again one day." But now that's not true. It doesn't help that I have such bad history with her boyfriend. I suppose I just find it harder to tell myself that I will ever find a girlfriend, now that she's got with him. I know that's idiotic...