Found myself to be gay at 26 and frustrated about it being so late.

So I don't know if I'm looking for advice par se but I just need to vent somewhere and so I hope you don't mind me doing so here cause maybe others have been in the same situation..
As it says in the title, I only came into discovering that I'm gay earlier this year and needless to say I'm turning 27 next week. It has taken me so long to realise this and it is actually frustrating me because I'm still new to so much. Like whatever about the sexual aspect, but also the whole approaching guys and the feelings of actual desire and want I get when with another guy that I never really got when with girls.

Despite my lack of sexual attraction for women, I still felt I wanted a girlfriend and later a wife. I found them pretty, and occasionally would check out their bodies. But it was never the imagery I'd really jerk off to. I liked talking to girls, hanging out with them and looked forward to the idea of raising kids. I figured this was enough to make me think I was straight. I would have my mates talking about their chase with girls and while I listened, I sort of never found myself truly interested in their tales.

I never really chased after girls, I never had the confidence to ask them out and it wasn't until I was about 23 that I asked a girl out on a date. I felt like I wanted to date more because I felt like a looser for being a dateless wonder and that I just wanted to have sex for once and get it over with. Despite this, I still didn't think, or even want to explore the idea that I was gay. I knew that there would be a girl out there for me. However I still felt interested in guys. I'd always check a guy out when he would bend over to tie his shoe and see what underwear he was wearing, I just found myself wanting to look at guys, but feeling that I wasn't allowed to. There's also the family aspect of things with my mother being pretty religious so has her own view on being gay, my Dad is the typical macho type and then my brothers would be the same so I just felt like I had to follow the pack and get the girl, get married and start a family. It just seemed like the right of passage.

It wasn't until I came back from travelling on my own for a year that I managed to "find" myself and it was then that things started to click. I started to realise my feelings for guys sitting at work one day when I thought, if there were a man and woman standing outside the window, both equally attractive, which one would I be a little more curious to see in their underwear. I realised it was the guy.

I know it sounds a bit pathetic but it annoys me that I am only realising this so late on and in a way, it's like I'm starting the dating game all over again and I ain't a confident person so with girls it was an almighty effort and it's like I've to start from scratch again. When I started scoping the waters at the start, I used ****** because I figured it would help me get into how "things are done" in a way, and learn the "lingo" and stuff that is used. Now I will say I hooked up for one nighters but it was just because I felt that I had to throw myself into it because based on past me, I get too nervous and worried about my actions and what others will think. I have to admit though; having only a photo of myself up and getting actual interest and response from others made me feel so good about myself and in a way, made me even more comfortable in accepting the fact I was gay. It was like I found a place where I would actually be found attractive and wanted. I know that sounds a bit juvenile, especially from a place like ******, but I've struggled so much in the past it was a welcome change.

So yes, I've had some very awkward experiences in the bedroom but I had to learn, and I still am! But the frustration when I get chatting to another guy and start to get feelings for him. I want to ask him out and get the ball rolling but there's a part of me worried about what others will think. I guess because I'm still "new" to the scene, I've just yet to get fully over these fears, which I know I will; but again, it's delaying the time I've already lost so much of.

I was recently on holiday in a city down the country for two weeks, and I hooked up with a younger guy while I was there. Now we didn't hang out all the time and every day because I wouldn't want to impose on his daily life like that, but we had a lot of fun together while I was there. He showed me about the place and we grabbed food, but truly, it was the first time I was with a guy more then a night, and actually lay together watching films, waking up in the morning together...it was so nice and I can genuinely say it was the first time I felt happy with another person. I never got this feeling with any girl I was with. I've had to leave of course and am thinking of going back, but the fact is, I could have had this great feeling with a guy years ago and my life could have been so much different; even happier.

I've been lonely my entire life without having the chance to express love either physically or emotionally to another person, all because I wouldn't even let myself think about being gay. I wouldn't even try gay porn (despite curiosity) since I thought it might answer a question I didn't want the answer to. Despite claiming that I wasn't homophobic, I guess I was a little afraid that I was gay.

Is anyone else like me, or can even relate?