I'm 17 and the more time that passes in my life, the more I regret not having come out already, considering for how long I've known. My original reason for hiding my orientation was my father. I recall him telling me that he would kill me if I ever turned out to be gay (in hopes of 'scaring' it out of me). Though he moved to the other end of the country and i'm lucky to hear from him unless it's a celebration like christmas or birthdays. I lived with my father for a long time and I feel like I built my life around the mask I held, convincing everyone, including him, that I was hetero. Now I live with my mother, everything should be much safer for me to say. I also recall my mother saying when I was much younger, that she wouldn't be surprised if I said I was gay. I even had a legal studies assignment about marriage at my school where I asked my mother if she thought samesex marriage should be legalised- to which she said it should be. (I find it strange how both parents are complete polar opposites). I heard my sister once say she had this friend who was gay to which she had no problem with. Though everyone else in my family has pressured me throughout my life about having a wife and children. This is because i'm the only male in my family who can continue my surname. So i'm positive that when I come out, I will lose a lot of my family. (Though I'd still like to have children in my future) While my father has made it evident that he is not particularly okay with homosexuality, in the more recent years, I feel like he has implied that he already knows. He's asked me if i'm attracted to girls many times and once he asked me if I have a boyfriend. So everything should be so much simpler, but it's still so difficult. My mother misinterprets me being a gentleman to women as showing an interest in them, so I feel like it'll be a shock now... On the topic away from family, one of my friends came out to me as bisexual not that long ago. Shortly after, I managed to tell her I was gay and her reaction was possibly even more heart warming than mine! :icon_bigg She returned things I said like "that's normal" and "perfectly fine". I felt comfortable telling her because I knew naturally, there was no risks involved. With everyone else, it always comes back to the fact that i've built this wall everyone sees where i'm 'just like everyone else' and i'm so terrified of what will happen if i take that away. The majority of my friends are straight males so I fear they might have great difficulty understanding. I guess my biggest fear is that i'll lose the relationships I have with people that i've cared so much for- or even worse, they feel like i've betrayed or lied to them this whole time. If you've read this far or just quickly browsed over then thank you. If anyone has any advice on how to explain myself to people, what I should and shouldn't do when telling them or anything relevant- that would be much appreciated.
Hey fellow Aussie. Sounds like your family already knows. And the friends who won't accept you are people who aren't real friends. Go for it!
I feel like they already know already at many times too but then my mother says something like "when you find a girl..." and if my dad does know, due to him having shown to have a problem with me being gay, wouldn't it have been evident by now? I'm terrible at reading people and I have a little difficulty in interpreting things. Thank you so much for the encouragement!
