Hi, guys! I've been thinking about coming out quite a lot lately. I think I'm going tell one of my closest friends very soon. The problem is I kind of have some feelings for her that are not supposed to be there. And if I do tell her, she will probably get really confused and evetually we'll drift apart. This is her last year here, before she goes to study abroad and I don't want to lose her as a friend and I also know she's absolutely straight, but I can't help falling for her. I'm so confused with myself right now, what do you think is right to be done in this case?
The first person I came out to was one of my best friends in college. I wasn't sure that if she was straight or not. We had been drinking one night and I eventually just told her that I wasn't straight. I didn't know if I was lesbian or bi at the time and told her that I needed to talk to her. (In tears at this point) I told her that not only was I confused about my sexuality, but I was attracted to her. And explained that I valued our friendship more than anything and that I would respect what ever she told me. If she was straight, our friendship wouldn't change and I would not create any tension or pressure between us. If there was anything else, we could go from there if it was something we wanted to explore. She told me that she wasn't really sure about herself and that at the time she identified more asexual than anything. We are still great friends today and we have a very close relationship in which we can both be comepletely honest with each other. That being said, every individual is different. I am very thankful that she is an open minded person and that it didn't change our friendship. It really depends on the other person's personality and beliefs. If I was sure that she was straight, I personally probably wouldn't have told her I was attracted to her. But that's just how I am. I would have come out to her because I think my friends are important to me and they should know who I am. I would try coming out to her first and giving it a little time. If things don't change with your friendship and you remain close, you can approach the attraction part once the initial shock wears off some. If she states that she is completely straight and you feel like you still need to tell her your feelings you might could approach it as, "one time I had a crush on you, and any guy will be lucky to have you. I'm glad you remained in my life as my friend after I told you this big thing about myself." Just be appreciative of her friendship and thank her for remaining by your side.
I ended up telling my friend I had feelings for her at the same time I came out. I do not recommend this, as not only did she have to wrap her head around me being gay, but also me being attracted to her. She was straight and I knew that, but it's good to still be open about stuff like that. When I tried to keep it in, everything kind of erupted at once and there was no one to talk to. Try coming out to another close friend beforehand so that you can have some support. As for staying friends, give her a lot of time for her to get used to the idea and eventually she should come around if you're really that good of friends. Good luck!
