1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How should I come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MidnightHunter, Nov 5, 2015.

  1. MidnightHunter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2015
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    How do I come out? I'm planning to come out to either my family first or my best friend first. I know they will both be supportive. I feel like I shouldn't be nervous because they will be accepting, but I just can't bring myself to come out. My school is pretty LGBT friendly so that's good... but I'm not gonna come out to my whole school. How do you think I should come out without being a nervous wreck? And should I come out to my family or my best friend first?
     
  2. Pterodactyl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    So Flo'
    Newly (and the closet is still propped open, tbh) Out person here, bearing advice.

    As cliché as it sounds, coming out is different for everyone.

    For me, I told my mother first. Partly because she was there and I was feeling suffocated in my closet, and partly because I knew if I told her, she'd be patient and understanding. One of my friends told their best friend first and only came out to their family last week (they've been out for about half a year). Both situations turned out fine.

    My point is that I think doing what feels right is probably the way you want to go- because there is no "right" or "wrong" way to come out. Truthfully, I was going to come out to my best friend before my family, but when the opportunity arose I froze. In the end, it turned out for the better because by the time I told them, I had sorted out my thoughts and feelings. I've heard that many people come out to best friends first, but everything about coming out is situational. We're all different people with different lives, after all.

    Honestly, it seems like either option is a reasonable and safe one, so I don't know what to tell you about family vs best friend other than what I've already written.

    Being nervous is natural, so don't invalidate those nerves. Who wouldn't be when sharing an extremely personal part of yourself with someone?

    If I were you, I'd write down what you'd like to say. You don't have to memorize, but rather more of an outline. Having a clear train of thought generally makes things easier to explain. Make sure to pick a good time and situation, and be prepared for some questioning (but don't be afraid to not answer questions if you're not comfortable). And don't be disappointed if you freeze up in the moment. Like I said, nerves are inevitable, and humans freeze up. Take a few deep breathes and do something you enjoy (when I'm really nervous I blast music and have a solo dance party in my room-it always brightens my mood).

    You're doing a really brave thing here, and I'm positive you'll do great.

    Good luck,
    Ann

    (sorry that was so long, hope it helped) c:
     
    #2 Pterodactyl, Nov 5, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2015
  3. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    934
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New England, US
    Looks like Pterodactyl pretty much covered everything:slight_smile:
    Nerves are normal, so don't be hard on yourself if it takes many tries to finally get the words out. Just remember that despite what your fears are telling you in the moment, you still know at your core that telling them is what you want, and they're accepting and you'll feel a lot better once you say it.

    Sometimes doing it in different ways can help with the getting-over-it part. Like, you could say, okay I'm going to do it this day, or you could just do it spontaneously one day so you don't have time to get nervous.
    I think one of the best ways (at least for me) would be to ask/text the person ahead of time asking them if you could talk to them at a specific time and place. That way, it kind of forces you to get it over with, and they're also giving you their attention so you don't have to worry about distractions.
    If it's still hard to say it out loud, you could always come out in a letter, or even over text (but then say you could talk about it with them after so it's more personal).
    There's no right or wrong way, whatever works for you!

    So don't stress. I'm sure it'll go fine and once it's done you'll be so relieved, so just focus on that.
    Good luck!<3