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Anyone have experiences coming out as bisexual?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Alder, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. Alder

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    How did your friends/family react? Were there any particular questions they asked...? I've been on the fence about coming out about my sexuality to my mom and a few of my friends, but I kind of want to be prepared beforehand. Some of my friends don't understand a lot about LGBT+ and I'm not sure what I can say or what they might ask or say about it.

    Does anyone have any experiences, and what sorts of questions might they ask me about it?

    Thanks (*hug*)
     
  2. Chilla

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    I only came out once as bisexual to a friend last summer. Well, I'm still questioning if I really am bisexual though. Anyway my friend was very understanding. The one thing that she didn't understand was that you don't have to be equally attracted to men and women to be bisexual.
    If you dont know how to answer LGBT+ questions I would recommend this video by Ashley Mardell (The ABC's of LGBT https://youtu.be/uFqLrSHWNT4). Most of my LGBT+ knowledge I gained from her videos and her channel in general helped and educated me so much.

    Hope this helps (*hug*)
     
  3. MeepMoop

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    I've "been" bisexual for a while and told people, before i knew i was gay. i think they were fine with it
     
  4. Images and Words

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    The friends I have told were fine. I admittedly only told one of them I was bi, the rest, I told them I was pan, but they were okay with it, despite being somewhat uneducated on the matter. It was just a case of "oh, okay" more than anything else. (I find) The best thing to do is just answer questions honestly, when it comes to your friends. Unless they ask something you really don't want to answer, of course.
    Remember, if they don't take it well, they aren't worth your time and you should...
    [​IMG]
    (*hug*) Hope this helps!
     
  5. ThatRangerGirl

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    It is almost entirely unpredictable what they will ask if anything. As far as how they will react, only time will tell.
     
  6. loveislove01

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    I came out as bi to some when I was questioning. Most people's reactions were just "Oh, cool." There was one negative reaction but compared to the amount of good ones that I got, it doesn't bother me anymore, but it made me really upset at that time.
     
  7. Bismuth

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    I came out to a few people but I wasn't asked any questions, probably because one group of people was the PRIDE club, one person I am old who's a close friend also happened to be be bi, and the last was probably content with the fact I had the courage to tell him in the first place.
     
  8. littleraven

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    On my own, I've only really come out to people I knew would be supportive. One person is bi and the other may be asexual. They're both really cool. The one who is bisexual actually is the president of the Gay Straight Alliance at her university. :slight_smile: She can relate to some of the struggles I have.

    My dad found out because he thought I was gay. He asked if I was gay when he realised that I'm not as feminine as he would like or as feminine as the girls. I let him know that I like guys, too. I think he tikd my mom. I think she told the pastor. Then he was trying to talk to me about it. It was very uncomfortable and awkward.
     
  9. COPY

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    I told this one girl I occasionally talked to that I was Bi. (This happened in kind of an era of confusion)

    She was supportive and stuff, but she had a belief that most Bi people aren't actually bisexual and they just say that because they're confused, or that they don't want to say they're attracted to one specific gender. In my case, she was right and I ended up identifying as a full lesbian. But in a majority of circumstances she would be wrong.

    I'd watch out for those type of people, some aren't as supportive as my one friend is. They could also end up offending you, and that's not good.
     
  10. Contact1111

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    It's very different than coming out as "gay", because people have a tendency to not take the whole thing very seriously. Chances are your family will just think of you as still "mostly straight", unless they are proven otherwise. They might even think you are "confused". I know that I got some of that, and I did get past it. Still, I feel like my family doesn't really understand where I'm coming from with regard to sexuality. Also, be prepared for some concern that you might be promiscuous. Hopefully, you will be able to dispel these concerns. Luckily, this was fairly easy for me to do. People tend to make the assumption that bi=extremely high sex drive and will sleep with anybody. That's the worst that will happen that you won't be able to dispel those concerns, because pretty much all families do not want to think that their son/daughter would indiscriminately have sex with any willing party. It's really a shame that people think that, because most people who are bi are NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL! Hopefully, with your family these fears will either not surface or you will be able to easily dispel these concerns.
     
    #10 Contact1111, Nov 10, 2015
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  11. Alder

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    Thank you all so much for the replies! I won't respond individually to every one, but I have read them through. Real grateful for the insight and advice- and good luck to all of you in the future as well, in regards to sexuality and all. (*hug*)
     
  12. Invidia

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    I've come out to many as bi, and yeah, it was a walk in the park mostly. It was just "oh okay" and "cool, one should love everyone", high-fives and all. So yeah, it was mostly good. I think I got like a "yeah I knew" once which annoyed me a tiny bit, but no big deal.

    :slight_smile:
     
  13. Alder

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    Thank you! (*hug*) I hope my friends or family have a good reaction to it. I have a feeling some of them already suspect it anyhow...
     
  14. Commenza

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    I've come out as bi to anyone who is somewhat close to me. I don't keep it a secret anymore. If sexuality comes up in conversations, I'll just mention it briefly, I don't make a big deal about coming out, at least if it's with people who are around my age. Those around my age (early 20s) never have a problem with it. I actually have long time friends who are queer themselves so talking to them about it was easy. The best moment for me was when an old school friend of mine came out to me as gay (he was clearly nervous how I would react) and I told him that he didn't have to worry what I think because I'm bi and so I understand how he feels. We were both so relieved and happy :slight_smile:

    Not so easy was telling my Mom. That was probably the scariest thing I've done in my life so far and to be honest, I regret telling her a little because she acts so weird about it all the time and makes negative comments about it. It's been 1 year since I came out to her and she still hasn't really coped with it. Probably should never have told her. It has made things really awkward between us although we always had a good relationship.

    I wish you luck that your parents will react more positively. And if they don't, give them some time to adjust to it. Most parents will come around eventually. Also, if you need someone to talk to about this, feel free to message me anytime :slight_smile:
     
    #14 Commenza, Nov 12, 2015
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  15. Alder

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    Thank you as well for the reply! I definitely understand that it's easier to talk to some friends compared to family, and I'll see what happens in regards to my parents. I'll come out to a few friends first, and I have friends who aren't straight, and those who are good allies (and also those who know basically nothing about LGBT+ but they are pretty open minded people at the end of the day, so...fingers crossed!), family is kind of a bigger matter.

    Thanks for the advice. If I do tell my parents I will definitely give them some time to digest it. Additionally, I hope it works out better over time with your mom as well. Thank you very much too for the offer of support, it means a lot.

    Oh and...it's kind of funny how fast this happened, but I did just come out to a friend between the time you made your post and I am making mine. She is openly supportive of LGBT+ and she's not straight herself, and I know she's completely okay with all this, so, it's good! I've been meaning to come out to her for a while now anyways since we're quite close and I knew from the start she would be supportive and accepting. I'm very happy about it honestly. It feels good to have a friend who actually knows and who is completely okay with it.

    It's not a huge thing I suppose but I'm quite proud of myself since it's quite literally the first time I directly told anybody in an honest heart-to-heart conversation, instead of just dropping a vague hint and rapidly backing out and changing the topic.

    Thank you everyone for the constant support anyhow. Cheers (*hug*)
     
    #15 Alder, Nov 12, 2015
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  16. Commenza

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    That is absolutely amazing! Congratulations!

    I can definitely relate to how you feel now! When you first start coming out, it IS a huge thing, no matter who you come out to. Coming out is scary the first few times, just when you get comfortable talking about it to other people will you start being more relaxed about it. So yeah, you've definitely been really brave for coming out to your friend and it is awesome that she reacted so well :slight_smile: I'm happy for you!
     
    #16 Commenza, Nov 12, 2015
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  17. Alder

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    Thank you so much! I suppose it will get easier once I'm able to talk about it more. Baby steps for now :lol:

    Anyways thank you for the kind words, and thank you everyone too for all the replies (once again), and for sharing your experiences and thoughts on this. I'll take my time coming out when I can to those I'm closer to at least, and see how it goes. If I'm lucky, hopefully it will all go fairly well, though I am prepared to answer some questions and explain some things. (*hug*)
     
    #17 Alder, Nov 12, 2015
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  18. Themis

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    Haha, that's really cool, congratulations :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    That sounds much better than the first time I had to tell someone.
    I wasn't quite ready for it when apparently my sister found out.. that was really awkward and she didn't handle that right. She quasi (although I don't think intentionally) blackmailed me with it. I denied it at first, but then I figured I'd have to come out sometime anyway and that if I'm just open about it like it's no big deal she'd stop bothering me with it.
    Ironically when I wanted to just say "yes" I suddenly got sooo nervous I didn't say it.. a day later I did find the courage, surprisingly it got better when I told her.

    My second/third coming outs weren't great either :eusa_doh: I had a seasonal job, and we suddenly found out a co-worker, was gay (which was really unexpected). Later another friend there ALSO came out to me as gay, and asked me if that was a problem. I just casually said "why would that be? I couldn't care less, besides I'm bi myself", and I then also said it was fine if he told that other friend.
    But I think one of the guys then got a crush on me and it became really unpleasant. Apparently they were texting the whole time (during work, when I was sitting next to them) about me. They thought I was hypersexual because I'm bi (???) and really easy to get. They also started saying creepy stuff to me AND told everyone at work that I was bi, after which I cut off contact with them. It only became worse, I heard from a female friend that right after I left one day one of the guys suddenly stood up and shouted that he put his screen in such a way that he couldn't see my face because otherwise he would keep staring at me.

    Creepy. Lol I wanted to be more open when going to college, but this changed my mind XD Till date I'm still not out to everyone..

    I have now told about 7 friends or so (that sounds a lot, but being a student, that's really nothing. Not even my housemates know actually...), some of them are straight (male) friends. They all reacted super supportive, and never treated me any different. They are SO accepting that if I'd want to I could discuss with some of my straight male friends about anything bothering me concerning other guys in my dating live. That's really cool.

    Usually people's first reaction does is like "huh? You're kidding right?"
    - "No, really, I'm into both girls and guys :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:"
    "okay, that's fine. ... wait, but really? Is this a joke or serious??"
    Etc. etc. I had to tell one friend about 5 times that I was being serious :eusa_doh:

    The only disadvantage of being openly bi is that I'm rumoured to be romantically involved with every guy I become really close with (aside from girls. So about anyone I get close with...). And everytime you have a male friend over at night it becomes suspicious.
     
  19. tourettesqueen

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    I came out as bi kind of slowly. I kept on trying to tell them, "I think I'm bi" but they didn't believe me because before I had any indication that I was bi I would joke about being gay, and am so into boys. Since I wasn't all too sure of my sexuality at the time, I would quickly say "I'm just kidding." The problem wasn't getting them to accept me, but to believe me. I don't remember when I first officially came out, but I remember coming out to my aunt and her giving me a hug. And afterwards I felt so free and light, like I had this huge weight lifted off of me.
     
    #19 tourettesqueen, Nov 12, 2015
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  20. Alder

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    @Themis-

    Thank you! Sorry that you didn't have all the best experiences. Hope it goes better in the future- and I'm glad some of the friends you told are supportive about it. I suppose there are some obstacles when coming out as bisexual, but at the end of the day I still wish to be out to those who matter, sooner or later.

    @tourettesqueen-

    Congrats on your experience coming out to your aunt. I agree- it does feel like a weight lifted off, even if it's just one person at the time.