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What Was Your Experience Coming Out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Contact1111, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. Contact1111

    Contact1111 Guest

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    Okay, I am very curious how this often tends to go down for other people. I recently told my parents I was bisexual. The reaction at first was kind of indifferent/possibly disbelief. Then, I mentioned it again very surely and they seemed to be questioning the reality of it and thinking that I might be into all sorts of wild sexual escapades (basically the classic stereotype). As you would imagine, they were upset about this. My Mom was also saying that she didn't want orgies and things like that going on her house. :eusa_doh: They did seem to overall be loving and accepting of me as a person even if they thought I was down to sleep with any willing party, but obviously pretty much any parent would be upset to think their kid is going around sleeping with everybody they possibly can. As you might imagine, I'm actually not like that at all. At first, explaining that was a bit of a challenge. However, they did seem to catch on pretty easily. I explained that I'm in control of myself (e.g. not a sex maniac), and they completely believed me. After that, things went pretty smoothly, and it hasn't really even been a conversation topic very much. They seem to get it though on that account. For the duration of my life, I haven't really been particularly feminine acting or anything. Actually, I have been kind of the opposite of that stereotype, very unkempt and disorganized, curse a lot, drinking a lot of beer, and being somewhat crude (e.g. belching loudly, not having good "manners", etc.). Since I came "out of the closet" about my sexuality though, I have recently discovered that I really like to paint my nails. At first, my Dad kind of shook his head at the whole thing. They were both tolerant of me doing that though, and my Mom even offered to get me nail polish if I wanted it. My Dad kind of made a disgruntled comment like "He wants to dress like a girl" while I was out of earshot, but basically I haven't gotten any grief about it at all. My Mom was also kind of "cautioning" me that a "gay" man might become interested in me as a result of that. They've basically just said things like that are my decision and not really their business :slight_smile: Since everyone seems to be allowing it, I'm actually considering just having them painted black 24/7. I haven't decided on that yet though. Overall, things went MUCH better than I expected. I was expecting things to go badly, but instead things have gone basically smoothly and I'm getting the opportunity to discover myself more :slight_smile: I'd be curious to hear about what other people's experiences have been like.
     
    #1 Contact1111, Nov 11, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2015
  2. rainbowtheorist

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    Hi!

    I came out several times but I know what you mean about the disbelief, I think I told my mother I was bi at least four times before she truly believed me. The problem when you are young is that they think it's "a phase". Anyway, she's totally ok with me being bi.

    The funny thing was when I came out to my father and step mother, I didn't even say the words really. We were talking about the fact that I'm doing my master on the LGBT community and they basically asked me why. They had asked that question before and I had lied but this time I wanted to be honest so I said : "Well..." and they understood.
    I gave them a course of LGBT 101 and that's it pretty much, we didn't talk about me being bi. After the meal I asked them : did you understand (because I didn't actually say anything). They said yes. I asked them if they knew about the fact that I had been in love with my female bestfriend and they said that they suspected it but never talked about it.

    And that was it, never mentionned it again, but then again I do live 7000 km away from them so I don't talk to them very often.

    So that's my story !
     
  3. MonsterAnarchy

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    I came out as genderqueer to my close friends and my band class.
    My band director wanted us to talk about whatever was bothering us cause we were discussing about te news article about how mental health should be more important than grades, so she wanted us to vent out any stress. I took that oppurtunity to come out to the whole class. I started shaking and I was in tears, but after I came out, everyone in the class clapped for me and my band director said "that was really brave of you" it felt liberating an I felt free. I was so happy.
    I am accepted.
     
  4. LesbianLover567

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    I haven't come out to everyone yet. Only my best friend, (now gf), and a few other friends. They took it well, one of my friends is gay and she is my girlfriend, but my parents don't know. I want to wait till I'm older to tell them. I really don't think it matters that I'm gay, I love my gf. My aunt knows that I like girls, but I haven't straight up told her I'm gay.
    :goodluck:
     
  5. Tinkerbellfairy

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    I've just came out about a month ago and I was so terrified! I'm 16 and I honestly say go for it if you feel like it's killing you hiding it. I came out to friends both from school and at college first. It's easier for me as I started this year so have a hance to reinvent myself in a new scenario, but telling friends before family was a huge motivation. My Mum and Dad were surprised but cool with it which was a huge relief.

    I'm enjoying being my true self and I'm even going to try a new tomboy-ish look soon which I'm excited for my hair appointment!!
     
  6. CyberStar

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    I was quickly accepted as trans because most people knew me as a bit of a weirdo anyway so that wasn't too much more to stack on top. But my parents, even though that was abreast ages ago, still refuse to accept it
     
  7. Charon

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    I was accepted by everyone. :slight_smile:
     
  8. justine16

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    My coming out experience was much better than expected. By mom and dad had said homophobic, biphobic, and transphobic things before so I was really scared. Surprisingly, they accepted me with open arms! I was scared that I might even get disowned, but they havn't treated me any different!
     
  9. TheBiBoy

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    I came out to my brother first as he came out to me as gay a few days before and I just came out to him as I believed he would be ok with me as he was gay and he was ok with me.That was alright and I was glad I came out to him first. I then came out to my dad and I believed it all went well until he kept saying to me that it is a phase and it will go away,possibly the common stereotype about bisexuality.I felt disgusted that he was underestimating my sexuality so much even if I knew that it wasn't a phase.I had to keep telling him and he said ok but I don't know if he is still believing it is a phase.When I told my mom she was very happy about it and took it very well and didn't keep saying it wa phase so she understood me for who I am and I was delighted and still am.Now I feel more likely to talk to her than my dad and not both unfortunately :frowning2:

    I hope other people's experience about coming out as bisexual was a bit bytes than mine,
    TheBiBoy
     
  10. LolliPopps

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    I first came out to one of my best friends I've known for years, he was alright with it and accepted me, the thing is I actually have a crush on him but cannot tell him :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Next I came out to a gay friend of mine and he helped me come out to my brother who kind of knew I was somewhat in the LGBT community so that was great. :slight_smile: I still have yet to come out to my parents, I know they know that I like boys but they do not know I am transgender yet but I'm hoping to tell them soon :slight_smile:
     
  11. Distant Echo

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    First was my then partner who I came out as bi to. He was rather shell-shocked but quickly moved onto the threesome idea :frowning2:
    Next up was a new friend that I am very attracted to - uh more than attracted to. I wasn't attempting to hide from her and found it very easy to talk about lgbt topics with her - she guessed very quickly. Completely accepting.
    Then I had to come out again to my by-then partner as lesbian. He isn't accepting that at all. He won't refer to me as gay. Good days and bad...more bad :frowning2:
    Next up was a private forum I am a member of - they were uniformly fan-bloody-tastic
    Then yesterday I came out to my eldest son, who was awesome. :slight_smile:
     
  12. ilovecats

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    Well I've been out for over 4 years to my parents, but coming out is a never ending process. The most stressful time was definitely coming out to my parents. I was 22 and had been dreading it since I was about 14 and figured out my sexuality. My older sister came out as a lesbian about 8 years prior, and it had been an awful experience for her. My parents were homophobic and threw every stereotype under the sun at her. Needless to say, this made me think that I would never come out because I didn't want to deal with that. However, when I met my current girlfriend, I knew that I had to come out.

    When the day came, my parents actually took it really well. Tears were shed, my dad said some ignorant things, but we all shared a hug before they left. I felt pretty optimistic. Unfortunately that ended a few days later when I changed my relationship status on Facebook and my mom flipped the ef out. Then we spent the next two years struggling through uncomfortable silences, ignorance, and rude comments. Persistance and time paid off in the end though, now they love my fiance and us as a couple. It just took a lot of tears and patience.

    Like I said before, coming out is a never ending process. Every new job, new friend, and friends of friends turns into a coming out experience. I've been lucky to be very warmly received every time I have come out, parents aside. I'm completely out at work, with my extended family, and all of my friends. I'm even lucky enough to work in a school that is very supportive of LGBT students and staff, and I'm out to all of the students I work with too.
     
  13. crazydiamond

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    My sister was happy for me at first, but when my going out cut into the babysitting for free time I was doing for her, she wasn't anymore. When she threatened me with homelessness I had to come out to my mother. I did it via text because I was afraid, and she completely ignored me. I came home, no acknowledgement. We continued to not speak for another two months until I moved out. Now I get monthly awkward texts from my mother in which she doesn't ask about my life at all, she just says she hopes I'm well.

    A few days ago I got a text from her saying that my nephew misses me and wants to see me. I'm not sure if she's facilitating a meeting just for him and she doesn't even want to see me, or if she's using him as a way to avoid admitting that she misses me. All I know is, I don't have time or energy for grown adults who play games. She has yet to apologize for the way she has treated me and she expects me just to get over it. I'm not doing it anymore, because our relationship isn't getting any better. It just makes me more guarded and less likely to share things with her. Ultimately, the coming out just made things worse. I know this isn't always the case for everyone though.