It started back in 7th grade and thats when I knew or thought I was gay. I am now a junior in college and still have not come out, because I have debated day in and day out whether I am actually gay. I mean I guess all the signs lead to "YES I AM GAY" such as not caring if a girl in half naked, but drooling when I see a half naked guy. The problem is that I grew up in an extremely country town with a super country family. Nobody in my family is gay and so none of them really know how to deal with a gay kid. I am sure my sister and mom would take it hard at first but then be okay with it. My dad on the other hand, I am afraid will disown me, and I can't be the one who essentially breaks my family all because of the way I was born. The older I get the harder it is to hold in. When I was younger I could easily turn my eyes from a hot guy or call other kids gay just to make myself look more straight, but nowadays my mind is just screaming at me to open up and let everyone know. When I try or think about telling my closest friends that I maybe gay ( I have never done anything with a guy) I just cant speak the words, literally cant speak, its like I am a fuckin infant again forgot how to say two words. The only place I felt safe and open was on a trip I took by myself and lied to everyone where I was. I flew to NYC a few days after Christmas last year to see the ball drop and I visited this gay bar called "The ToolBox" it was an awesome place and had hot bartenders. But I felt so at home and in the right place for once in my life. I had great conversations with the guys there, but never talked about coming out. I am also extremely shy. Me and one of the bartenders hit it off right away though. On my last day he gave me his number (even though he had a boyfriend) and we kissed each others cheeks and left. I texted him for awhile after that, but got bored because all we talked about were the classes I was in and politics, so that was a bust. I am just really confused and maybe someone has some advice on how I should come out or who I should come out to first.... I feel like I am living in a shell and I am jealous of the people who know who they are already. I am actually seeing a therapist now for anxiety but hell I havent even told her I may be gay and to be honest holding in this big of a secret since 7th grade (I am a junior in college now) is probably the main source of all of my problems....
Sorry guys, I think I have posted this to a few different areas. I am still trying to figure out this website....... But here it is-----It started back in 7th grade and thats when I knew or thought I was gay. I am now a junior in college and still have not come out, because I have debated day in and day out whether I am actually gay. I mean I guess all the signs lead to "YES I AM GAY" such as not caring if a girl in half naked, but drooling when I see a half naked guy. The problem is that I grew up in an extremely country town with a super country family. Nobody in my family is gay and so none of them really know how to deal with a gay kid. I am sure my sister and mom would take it hard at first but then be okay with it. My dad on the other hand, I am afraid will disown me, and I can't be the one who essentially breaks my family all because of the way I was born. The older I get the harder it is to hold in. When I was younger I could easily turn my eyes from a hot guy or call other kids gay just to make myself look more straight, but nowadays my mind is just screaming at me to open up and let everyone know. When I try or think about telling my closest friends that I maybe gay ( I have never done anything with a guy) I just cant speak the words, literally cant speak, its like I am a fuckin infant again forgot how to say two words. The only place I felt safe and open was on a trip I took by myself and lied to everyone where I was. I flew to NYC a few days after Christmas last year to see the ball drop and I visited this gay bar called "The ToolBox" it was an awesome place and had hot bartenders. But I felt so at home and in the right place for once in my life. I had great conversations with the guys there, but never talked about coming out. I am also extremely shy. Me and one of the bartenders hit it off right away though. On my last day he gave me his number (even though he had a boyfriend) and we kissed each others cheeks and left. I texted him for awhile after that, but got bored because all we talked about were the classes I was in and politics, so that was a bust. I am just really confused and maybe someone has some advice on how I should come out or who I should come out to first.... I feel like I am living in a shell and I am jealous of the people who know who they are already. I am actually seeing a therapist now for anxiety but hell I havent even told her I may be gay and to be honest holding in this big of a secret since 7th grade (I am a junior in college now) is probably the main source of all of my problems....
Re: Confused Try telling your therapist, I believe they have a duty of confidentiality, so it should go no further than her. (unless she is anti LGBT , I've heard of some charlatans that can be homophobic) If you have a best friend and confidant they might be a good place to start. You don't have to come out to everyone. I'm out to everyone in my family other than my mother, (she'd worry too much about me and she is 93). They are a number of phases to coming out: 1)Coming out to yourself, probably one of the more difficult stages. Even the thought of just saying the words "I am gay" out loud just to yourself can be terrifying. 2) Coming out to the first few people, everybody sweat about this, it is scary. It was amazing the weight that lifted off me when I told someone. 3) Letting your wider group of friends and acquaintances know. 4) Telling your family know. Some people tell their family first others never tell them, for most it somewhere in-between. 5) Not caring who knows. Being at a stage where you can say what you want without thinking. (Although I'm not out to absolutely everybody I'm fairly close to this stag. I was 50 when I told the first person.) A lot of people only ever tell a small number of people. The important thing is to be comfortable with who you tell. BTW: When I was young I was extremely nervous and tense in normal bars and night clubs, I couldn't explain why. But the first time I visited a gay night club I felt so relaxed and at home. (Even though being gay was illegal at the time). (*hug*)
Re: Confused Thank you for your response! That does help and I appreciate the advice, it is all just a tad terrifying..
Re: Confused Hello Nick F, Let's start saying that you are gay - are you questioning just because you never did stuff with a guy? If that's the case, considering how you talk about boys, it seems that you're 99% sure you are gay, but you're just waiting to have something with a boy that would confirm it. You won't be able to hold on to the secret for much longer, so you have to tell them before it slips out. Tell your father last. Let's take a look at your options: 1) Your therapist Do you trust her? How long have you been seeing her? Will she reveal your secret to your family? Is she open-minded or will she try to convince you that you are straight? If you don't feel at ease with her, you might want to change therapist, maybe seeing in your LGBT centre if they can advise you one. If you feel like you can tell her, then do. Ask her advice on coming out - she will probably help you understand your mother's pointof view and how to speak to her. 2) Your mother and your sister Once you've told your therapist and "cooled down" and that ypou know what you'll say and how you'll say it - I mean by that once you are less of the verge of exploding - you should tell your mother and your sister. Tell them separately, perhaps, and if you tell your sister first maybe you could ask her how she thinks you should tell your mother. Let me warn you though : they probably won't be on board straight away. Give them time to understand what this means to you, and what this means for them. If you decide to tell each of them separately, you should wait until the first one has "accepted" to tell the other one. 3) your father This will be tricky. Don't tell your father unless you absolutely have to. If you don't have another place to stay, for instance. My ex-girl's parents are absolutely homophobic, and she decided she would tell them about her homosexuality once she has a job and an a place of her own- in case they disown her or tell her to never come back. You could ask your mother, once she has "accepted" how/if to tell your father.
Re: Confused I just started with her (my therapist), I feel like I can trust her, i mean thats what they are there for right?? I have decided I will tell my therapist on my next appointment and see how it goes. I feel like my sister would be the next person I would tell, its just everytime I think about telling anyone, I always tell myself that they will ask if I have been with anyone and of course I will say no and then they will say oh then how do you know. And it would become this whole snowball effect. I don't know I always seem to talk myself out of it. and since I literally cant seem to say the words, I guess I should practice saying the words "I am Gay" to myself..... Thank you guys for all the support
