Hello, I’m new to this site and am not too sure if this is meant to be in here or in the coming out stories section as its both a story and I need advice so if it needs to be moved please tell me to do so… I’m sorry this is a bit of an essay but if you have time to read it I would appreciate it… I’ve known I was a lesbian since I was about 14 (I’m 25 now). I’ve come out to friends along the way ever since and have never had a problem with any of them accepting me for who I am which I know is stupidly luckily. I had a few drunken kisses with girls at university but apart from that not much else. I had a horrible experience with a guy when I was 16 which very few people know of but I know that some of the people that do know automatically assume that this is the reason for my sexuality. This is not the case at all but it does make it hard for me to form relationships and why I haven’t really up till this point. With a bit of persuasion I started online dating and met a girl I really liked. We started dating, I told her everything and she was very understanding and I decided it was time to tell my parents as I thought there was a future for us and every time I went to see her I was having to lie to my parents about where I was going (I still live at home) and the guilt was making me really ill as me and my parents were really close. I spoke to quite a few people about coming out to them and read a lot of the stuff online and everyone who had met my parents said that they thought it would go as well as it could and they didn’t think that there would be a problem. I didn’t think that there would be either as I always thought of them as very accepting. .. It didn’t quite go to plan. My mum didn’t understand what I was saying and made me say it 3 times and then just had a blank look on her face. My dad originally said he had an idea and didn’t seem to angry but didn’t say anything else. I couldn’t cope with the silence so I left and stayed at a friends, something that was already planned. The next day I went home after work and knew they would want to sit down and talk about it so after a very awkward dinner we did. My dad, who I thought was okay with it seemed to have changed and said a lot of hurtful things; He changed his mind and said it was more of a fear than an idea. Then they questioned if it was something that they had done wrong. My dad said that all my life they had tried to point me in the right direction and that this was not something they considered. My dad said that they have to re think what they had planned for me in their heads (which I fully understand) and gave me an example, said all my life he has been adding things to a mental list for a wedding speech. I said I can still get married to which he replied, well its not the same is it…They said they have enough going on with my mum (shes now waiting for a big operation) without this to worry about and why cant life ever be simple. They said I shouldn’t tell people (I lied when they asked if my friends knew, I don’t know why) and the last part of the conversation was them telling me not to define myself and keep my options open as I might meet the (boy) love of my life around the corner. By this stage I had given up and just agreed, left and stayed at a friends again. A few days later, (I’m a really horrible person) I read my mums diary in which she said that my dads not accepting it and that we (me and my dad) are now just trying to carry on as normal. To me I am carrying on as normal as nothing has changed. I am still the same person I was before I told them, something I said to them when I was coming out. Since then I have been working full time and been out a lot with various hobbies so haven’t been home a whole lot, when I have been its not been brought up again although things are not as they used to be and there’s still something in the air… In the mean time the relationship has ended (mutual agreement) so the whole reason I told them to avoid lying to them is kind of a moot point and now I wish I had never said anything! My question is, now that the relationship is over, and I want things to get better with my mum before her operation, do I just leave the subject and not mention it again in fear of making it worse… or do I try and have another talk with them so I no longer feel like im walking on egg shells all the time and things can try and get back to normal? My friends have been amazing through all this but I just feel so utterly alone… Any advice in anyway about any of this post would be greatly appreciated! Sorry for the long post!
Honestly. Talk to your mum. Your dad seems to have big issues with it, but your mum is probably stressing out over the lack of talking. Get her alone.
Thanks, i will try and get her on her own! Just worried about making things worse but i didn't think about her finding the not talking worse so thanks for pointing that out!
