I doubt many of you remember me, but I've come in search of your lovely opinions anyway Any help from you fine people would be oh-so-greatly appreciated on my part. Anywho.. here's what's going on. I feel it's time to to be honest with my family in the way that that I've finally been able to be honest with myself. Yes, I think the time has arrived to come out of my closet. It's been a comfy little existence, but it just doesn't feel right to me anymore. It's started to get a little bit boring in here. Not too much you can do in a closet, after all. Here's where my dilemma comes into play. You see, I have a nasty habit of succumbing to nerves, stumbling over my thoughts and then saying nothing at all that I had originally intended. This can happen in the simplest of situations, and it sucks. I figure that if it can happen to me when answering a science question in class, it's more than likely to happen when I have the big sit-down with my parents. This, would suck. I have so much I want to say, and say in a specific manner. My nerves would surely be thinking otherwise. But, ah hah! Idea! Despite being at odds with my nervous demeanor, I have a pretty solid grip on this whole writing thing. I love to write and I know how to manipulate words to express almost exactly what I want to say. So I thought, problem solved, I'll write a lovely little letter that will lay all on the table and then we can move on with our lives. (For the sake of clarification, I know the process of coming out isn't going to be that fine-and-dandy. But that sentence wasn't nearly as fun to read as the one before it.) Here's the deal, though. Is that too impersonal? "Hey mom, dad. I'm gay.. just thought you should know. By the way, what's for dinner?" (Obviously not what I would really write.. but once again, that sentence is way more fun to read than what I would actually say.) Is the topic large enough that I should battle my way through my nerves, or could a personal letter suffice if worded and written to express the same emotion - perhaps even better than it could through speech. It really doesn't help that it would be my first coming out as well. I was very near spilling the beans to my friend the other day, but those nerves decided to offer their two cents on the topic and that was that. I'm hoping to be out to her soon (I would be before going through the motions with my parents) but I'm still gonna' ask this now. Would a letter be a little too impersonal? My concern is that I would be too overwhelmed with it all and then not be able to say all that I want to say.
I think that in situations where people are very nervous to say something, the letter is actually the more personal of the two choices you put forward. If you think you'll not manage to tell them face to face, you might end up squeezing out the words "I'm gay" and trying to get out of the way as soon as possible. Although it gets the message across and is personal, that's just about where the positives end in my opinion. In a letter, you can write exactly what you want them to know. It can be worded carefully enough that everything you would want to say is said, and in such a way that it actually seems more personal. If you feel they won't appreciate that you didn't tell them to your face, all you need to do is insert the answer to that into your letter. Maybe start off with saying something along the lines of "This is a big deal to me, and however much I would like to tell you this to your faces, I feel I would get too nervous and not tell you everything I think you deserve to know". The letter also gives them time to talk it over and think it over, so that by the next time they see you, the message has settled in to large degree and they will have hopefully had a talk among themselves about how they must love you unconditionally, and embrace your sexuality. So in my opinion, for you, the letter seems the way forward
Ha! That's exactly what I'd end up doing. That or squirming uncomfortably to the point of being unable to take in any of what they say. That's what I want to avoid. I'm not sure. I see what you mean by the letter being the more personal of the two in this scenario. I'm probably overthinking this too much. I'm going to start organizing my thoughts in letter form, even if just for the sake of getting my thoughts all in order. It's looking more and more like the letter form will be used, but I'm not completely sold on the idea yet. I suppose the choice might be easier once I have my thoughts in order anyways.
That sounds like a good idea! Maybe it would give you more confidence to tell them face to face if that's what you really want to do
Yeah. Confidence is something I'm still working on. It's been many years since I've felt much of it, but I'm taking steps in the right direction. Mind you, they're baby steps. I think.. I will go with writing them a letter. I'll be able to say it all much better that way. I don't want to delay this any longer.. too tired of feeling lonely/withdrawn, you know?
Quite a few people here have written letters as a way of coming out. I think it's a very good idea. Take your time,write how you feel and what you want to say. Give them the letter,when you feel ready to. Good luck. We're here for you.
I agree with Lex, then if they have any questions or you need to say anything else you're right there and can't put off speaking to them about it. Cause if that were me after leaving the letter for them to read I'd avoid them for the next few days - DONT DO THAT good luuck x
Ooh.. I like that idea. I hadn't thought of that. And Kaster, I think I'd probably do the same Toss the letter at them and then go into hiding for a few days. I think I might do that. It will feel a little less impersonal to me then and, like you said, I'll still be there if they have questions.
I don't think there is anything wrong with writing a letter, in fact I think it is a great way. You need to go with the way that best suits your personality. I agree with lex, stay with them while they read it. They will have questions. That is a good thing as it will open communications and will be your first chance to be open with them. Also I want to add that it takes a lot of courage to come out. So you should be be proud of yourself for taking these first steps.
