I feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, I hate being closeted so much- you can't pursue relationships with girls or even flirt with them, and the feeling of being a closeted lesbian while some of my gay male friends are so open about their sexuality is too awful and humiliating for me to bear another day. Although I do live in the UK, where legal things aren't an issue, the majority of people I know would take some sort of issue. There's no out girls in my year group and attitudes towards lesbians are pretty poor. Some of my friends know, and I think my english teacher suspects something as I wrote an essay on homosexuality. I'm not unpopular, but I know that coming out will make me lose a lot of friends, and I know all my female friends will be uncomfortable around me, and we'll probably drift. I would love to not care about this but I really can't afford to spend the rest of my school days as a loner. My family claim to be liberal, but would be horrified if they found out as they are casually homophobic every time the topic comes up (I think I die a little inside every time they mention my future husband). I hate being in the closet and being jealous of my out friends but I know that coming out will have so many negative repercussions that I emotionally could not deal with. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Someone please reply
I don't like to joke during these forums, but can we trade places?! My year group has several girls out as lesbian or bisexual, and I'm THE gay guy. So lonely! xD Okay jokes over, serious mode now. Not everything is as it seems. Before I came out, I had several homophobic friends, and my dad just couldn't wrap his head around the idea of BoyxBoy relationships (he was perfectly fine with GirlxGirl though...) No other guys in my grade had come out ever as anything, and frequently turned coming out of the closet into a laughingstock. But one day, I decided that I couldn't take being secret from others anymore. About a month ago, an program called "The Truth About Hate," came to my school. In the past, several teens came out during an open mic session, but in the week leading up to the assembly, I overheard people calling the whole thing stupid, and even joked about betting on who was going to come out during the assembly. Betting! Like we were some sort of show to be profited from! That day, I decided that I was going to publicly come out, not for my own sake, but for the sake of those who were silenced into the shadows by these bets, and hurtful comments. The day of the assembly came, and once open mic came up, I listened for people to find the courage to stand up and come out. One guy (girl at birth) came out as trans, and tried to tell her story of how it's made her life better. I heard various snickers from around the audience, and one douche-y straight guy went as far to say "called it" loud enough for others to hear. The trans (I hate calling him that, but anonymous rules apply) surrendered the mic, and sluggishly returned to his seat. At that point, I decided I had heard enough, and it was time to put these people in their place, 'cause if I didn't, nobody else would. I signaled one of the administrators for the mic, (they brought them to you instead of having to walk to the stage). And I don't know how I found the courage in front of such a large crowd (graduating class of 600-700 students, and about 100 attending faculty), but I gave a passionate speech about what was on my mind. I found out that my speech was recorded by a close friend who knew I was about to give our grade a reality check; "My name is _________, and up until now, I've been closeted as gay. (Snickers from the audience follow.) But today isn't about me, I've already come out to close friends and family. My concern is you. For a liberal state, The _________(my hometown) Class of 2018 seems to be very closed minded about this topic. (Generally offended mumbling) Over the past week, I've heard an increasing amount of homophobic statements from all social groups, all sharing one common viewpoint, that coming out of the closet is unnecessary and only worth laughing about. A few groups of people feeling this way is just opinions, but nearly an entire class of over 600 is a crisis. (At this point I began to tear up and my voice began to crack) My heart is aching for those who have been scared into silence by the utter lack of compassion and understanding we as a generation have shown today. We've turned the depression, agony, and fear of rejection that people in the closet worry so much about, into a reality, and it needs to change. I won't stand for it, and I'm ready to fight against it. And I hope that what I've said here today will inspire others to do the same. (I return the mic, and the auditorium is dead silent.) The rest of assembly dodged around my speech for the rest of the day, but my points were not forgotten. The following day, I was approached by what felt like hundreds of students and staff. Some commending me on my bravery to speak my mind like that, others apologizing for expressing their viewpoints in such a way. Since then, I haven't observed, nor received any anti-gay prejudice, and some have even come to me to learn the truth about the closet from a real-life point of view. After that LONG story, the moral is to not judge a book by its cover. There is always the possibility that your friends and teachers will not accept who your are ever/right away, but you will absolutely find allies and friendships where you never thought they could exist. Once I found the courage to give that speech, some friends have come and gone, but the ones that I've made along the way have been amazing. My parents also realized that I was dead serious about being gay, and stopped trying to be my matchmakers (they had recently tried to hook me up with one of my co-workers. xD) What should you do? I think you should be the ringleader. Your courage to make your sexuality completely public may inspire others to do the same (it did for me, but only a few.) If not, it will show others you know just how brave you are to make this choice. Your parents will always love you no matter what, the homophobia you're describing sounds like casual jabs, and will cease if you make it known that it hurts you, and the "future husband" jokes may turn into "future wife" jokes sooner than you think! There are many worse scenarios than ours, some gays lose their jobs, homes, friends, and family entirely through this action. But that WON'T happen for you, I guarantee it. It will only make your life better in the long run, since after I came out, I found out I had a very secret admirer. I wish you the best, and hope you can find courage in my experience to make these changes of your own.
