How do I deal with parents that want to have me cured ?

It's time for a serious sit-down conversation with them.

First, have you officially come out to them? When I came out to my parents (at age 25), my mom said she had known I was gay since I was 12. Yet, because I had never come out (and had denied it on a number of occasions), she held out hope that I was straight and had concocted fantasies of my wedding and grandchildren and all that sort of stuff. It's taken her the better part of two years to let go of some of that, and I know she isn't there yet.

So, if you haven't, come out to your parents.

Second part-You say you've made it plain to them that you have no interest in Ex-Gay therapy, correct? If they keep going on about this after you've already told them you're not interested and that the idea is offensive to you, then it's time to draw a line in the sand. You're a 27-year-old man who's out on his own, and there's absolutely no reason why you should have to take the abuses of your parents.

Make that fact very very plain to them.

At this point, you are an independent person who's not relying on your parents for financial support, so it's time to let them know that if they keep pushing this bullshit on you, then you will be forced to sever the relationship. I know that sounds extreme and that it would be hard, but you absolutely have to take a stand. Parents sometimes don't quite understand that you're now an independent person, even several years after you've moved out and made a life for yourself.

The only way they're going to get it is if you make it plain to them. It sounds like your parents (like most parents) have all sorts of ideas and hopes for you, mostly revolving around your ability to procreate and make grandchildren for them to spoil on occasion. You need to make it plain to them that you're not doing the therapy, that you're offended by the idea that you need the therapy, and that if they continue pushing it on you after you've made it plain to them that you're not interested that you will just stop associating with them.

Like I said, I know it's hard to take such a step, but you have to think about your own mental and spiritual health, as well. Good luck!

 

You could always filter their calls and emails if you want to get really drastic and distant about it. You're old enough to decide things for yourself - all their insults and threats are just words, they can't force you into one of these centers.

 

You need to make it perfectly clear (and show them proof) that even the psycholigical/psychiatric organizations think that these kinds of programs are harmful! You also need to purchase this video and send it to them:

www.fishcantfly.com

How does your sister feel about this? Is she on your side? Maybe you could get her to help you out on this and talk to your parents.

 

Very plainly state that sexual orientation cannot be changed, as stated even by the co-founder of Exodus ministries and several of its past leaders. And I would tell them you won't be visiting again until you feel that you AREN'T be attacked by your own family. That's what I would do anyway, since you've already asserted yourself and they keep pushing.

 

I agree with everything that has been said. You have to stand up to them and draw a line in the sand. I know it's hard to accept but maybe your parents simply aren't in a place where they can be reasoned with. That doesn't mean that won't change in the future. But it sounds like, for now, trying to communicate with them isn't getting you anywhere. All it's doing is adding more stress to your life. Until they understand and accept that you're your own person you won't get anywhere with them.

It's great that you're financially independent and no longer live at home. I would make it clear to them that you won't be visiting again until they stop treating you this way. If they call and try and bring up the subject, hang up. Don't say anything, don't try and reason with them again, just hang up. You need to take control of your situation or your parents are never going to change.

Can you try reaching out to another family member? maybe they could talk to your parents for you. You can't change your parents attitudes. They have to want to change. If they aren't willing to change you may have to partially severe the relationship until they are.

Good luck.

 

I totally agree with exquar. It's time they were told, loud and clear, that they either respect you or you stop talking to them. I'm sorry it has come to this for you.

 

I'm so sorry (*hug*).

My mom initially suggested ex-gay therapy for me when I came out a month ago, and while she's still not adjusted to the idea - I simply gave her a flat out no, and(I probably shouldn't of done this but I was admittingly taken aback) when she suggested it I told her that that was part of my reason for not telling them sooner. I was scared they would try pressure me into going. That hit her hard

And I agree with you if you have to get away from them and keep your distance. Block their phone calls, emails etc if need be. I really hope things get better.

 

I am sorry to hear that you are is such a tough situation. Is there anyone on your family that you can talk to that might be able to talk to your parents further? Hopefully you can reach some common ground or simply agree to disagree. Good Luck! (*hug*)

 

Family is as family does.
I don't see a family here. I see a bunch of people who desperately want grandchildren, or to have straight children so their friends won't think ill of them, or something.
So be it.

Next time you get one of these phone calls, cut it short. "Mom, I'm gay. I've always been gay. I can't change being gay. I'm not going to try to force myself to not be gay, because it isn't going to happen. I've decided I'm going to live by my programming, and just be gay. If you have a problem with it, so be it, but it means you're the one with a problem, not me. And consider this the end of this discussion." If she tries to go on, say "Sorry, that discussion is closed" and hang up.

Lex

 

there is absoluley nothing wrong with you- you're not sick and you do not need therapy. it's time to lay down the law, your an independent adult, and if they didn't care about you, they wouldn't be making so much effort. let it subside and maybe even get a professional mediator if necessary, because you should never have to hear, especially from your family that you need help. you don't. good luck!