My sister, who I'm not entirely close with, has been visiting the house more often of late. Her boyfriend, we'll call him Mike, has been hanging out with us more too. She has been dating him for about four months and since we're all about the same age (they are both a year older), we enjoy a lot of the same things. Mike is becoming a great friend and every day I'm learning more and more about him and I can't help but feel like he is the perfect guy for me. We get along so well, we listen to a lot of the same music, and play a lot of the same games. I can't help myself. I'm having all these feelings about him and I don't know what to do. I wish they would stop. I've always been able to consciously put a stopper in my brain when it came to my sister's boyfriends. It was always easy before to push the "not interested at all" button. But I can't with him! And I'm confused! I'm happy that my sister found such an awesome guy but I'm becoming envy of her at the same time. What's worse is my sister came to me a few nights ago and told me that she notices how I act around him. She told me it seemed like I was flirting. She played it off like it was a joke but I was sure she was actually being sincere with it. I lied to her and acted insulted and sickened when she asked me. And she really hasn't been around since. I can't stop thinking about him, at all. I don't know what to do.
For Mike to be the perfect guy for you, he'd have to be gay, remember?!? And he isn't, because he's dating your sister - a girl. He's in a hetrosexual relationship. I'm afraid the only answer is to put some distance between you and Mike. Don't hang out. Don't play games. Make yourself scarce or busy when they're around. The more time you spend with Mike, the less likely you are to meet the gay version of Mike. Because there is one out there, I'm sure of it! Good luck finding him!
I haven't really been put in a situation exactly like this, but one similar... I find it easy to cope with "falling" for someone like Mike (straight) is to just keep telling yourself exactly that. Forbidden fruit is a lot easier to resist than somewhat easily obtainable fruit. Unless you like a challenge I guess.
Hey,you can't help who you're attracted to,but you can help with the flirting. You just need to either keep your distance or accept the fact that he's off limits. It's okay to be nice,say hi,but don't hang out with him. Just my opinion...
I know how hard it is for you. I'm there. It's confusing because you know he's off-limits but you just can't help it. Yes you know he's straight and taken and all those other things but yet...something is protesting. And it is different this time and you don't know why. Why can't i just let go like all the other times? Why do i continually feel this way when i know this is wrong?...i really don't know. These are tough questions. You need a lot of introspection. But i'm going to go into that. I'm going to just try to give you advice on what to do, as best i see it. Like other people've said, distancing yourself is pretty much the only way you are going to get rid of this. Every time you get close to him those feelings rear their heads, so you have to get away from that. The way i see it, the feelings will dull with time, but not fast enough. What distancing does is give you time to distract yourself and find another person to fill that slot. Sometimes you get lucky and you find Mr. right. Sometimes you aren't and you fall for another crush you can't have. Either way, right now you have to distance yourself. I know it is and will be hard, but it needs to be done. Not only for your sake, but for your sister's sake to. You have to keep reminding yourself: He's straight, he's taken, you can't have him, so stop. This doesn't mean you have to completely and obviously try to avoid him. But you have to realize, the relationship you have with him now is apparently too much. Things can stay the same but that's exactly it, things will stay the same. You won't be over him anymore than you are now. In-order for things to change, things between you two have to change, unless you have an epiphany and stop falling for him all of a sudden and if so, good for you. But that doesn't usually happen. So you can start slowly and gradually distance yourself, but eventually it needs to happen or nothing's going to get better. One thing going for you is that now your sister isn't around as often right? So the distancing has been done for you. You don't see him as often. And if you really aren't buddy-buddy i'd try not to see him at all. Because if you were, distancing yourself might have brought up problems when he actually cares why you're not talking to him or avoiding him. If you aren't, i don't think he'll put much thought into it...right? Anyway, i do hope this helps. Although i know sometimes you just can't distance yourself from this guy, so this won't help at all. That's how it is for me. So when things between you can't change, it's going to have to be YOU that changes. I'm down that road already and it's hard. I hope you won't have to go there (*hug*) good luck
Yeah, as Jim pointed out, he's not the perfect guy for you. You're not falling for him. You're falling for an idealized version of him. One where he, y'know, likes guys. You are really in a pickle, though, since the three of you like hanging out, and neither of them know that you're gay. So you can't even clue your sister into what's going on. It's a good idea to start minimizing contact for awhile, until you can get your head back into a better spot. It's probably a better idea to work on expanding your social circle, finding some new people to hang out with, and hopefully finding a guy who'll actually like you back in the same way. Because requited love kicks unrequited love's ass six ways to Sunday. Lex
