To the socially anxious

Hi everyone,

I'm a 25-year-old gay guy and introvert with social anxiety. My personality has kept me in the closet for a long time, although recently I've come out to immediate family and a few gay classmates (who took the time to befriend me and make me feel comfortable enough). I know there are other SA people and/or introverts here. Can anyone relate with what I'm about to write?

So, this is what my SA feels like: every social contact outside of my comfort zone, i.e. with someone I'm not 100% sure likes me, is like having my hand forced towards a hot stove and feeling that mounting sense of panic while trying to pull away. Sometimes it's powerful, sometimes it's not. I always try to escape if there's any hint they dislike me.

One on one interaction isn't always so bad, but in groups I become a total wallflower. Even casually saying hi is hard, and I won't do it if the other person has their back turned, or doesn't specifically look and smile at me. Most people eventually get turned off by my shyness, thinking I'm snobby or weird, and I end up alone at home all the time. I've seen a therapist several times, but it hasn't helped much.

I've lost opportunities to be friends with other gay guys because I'm so shy, and I'm really hurting right now from something that happened the other day. I went to a Thanksgiving meal at work and got so shy that I just sat there rigidly, not saying hi to anyone, and escaped as soon as I could.

And finally, just one thing to note: I force myself outside of my comfort zone all the time. People say that's how you get over SA. Well, all that happens is that I find myself "out there" without any idea what to do next, and just as screwed up as before, and even more depressed when I come home burdened with a sense of failure.