Ive never had issues having sex with women in the past and know I still wouldn't to this day but when I masturbate It seems that sexual acts and thoughts and images of men give me a much more intense arousal than straight porn. With gay porn my erection is much more harder and my semen seems more thicker and the ejaculation is much more intense and with straight porn i feel i always have to tense up my thighs and muscles and my body gets real tense when i do this and this makes me instantly cum but feels strange that i cant cum without doing that and doesn't feel satisfying the way the gay porn and thoughts do. This has me constantly telling myself that im gay and constantly questioning my thoughts and body language and speech when im around people( hard to stare people in the face thinking that they might mistake sexual attraction and get the wrong idea or think im gay.. this happens with men and women does not matter who the person is). This mindset has taken over my life and think friends already assume that im gay and just want me to accept it so i can get on with my life ( no one has told this to me i just assume they feel this way)..This puts so much stress on me because I know deep down that if I were to admit to myself that im gay i feel like it would be a lie ,because i would be telling myself and everyone else that im gay based only on sexual acts. I feel that all the sexual encounters and times that i wanted to have sex with certain women means something and cant be ignored because it would also be a lie to say that i would never want to have sex with a women again. I have had sex with men in the past and i usually revisit those encounters when i masturbate( There has also been encounters with women that i cant deny where equally as satisfying as well.. Does The fact that i masturbate to gay porn and fantasize about gay porn most of the time pretty much say that im gay and just wont admit it tomyself??.. ( by the way i have a ton of self esteem issues and very low self confidence for a guy in his late twenties)( Also not sure how im suppose to clarify or even admit to future sexual partners or if someone asks in general what i am because i don't know what i am and have had gay people tell me that im gay and straight women tell me that they think im straight after having sexual encounters with these people)..hope this makes some sense and any honest insight on this would help me out a lot. thanks.
Hey man, I just wanted to say, that from reading your post I feel like I share a lot of the same issues as you. I constantly question everything about my sexuality, and my self confidence is shattered. What I find most difficult is to determine whether I'm unhappy in a relationship because of the relationship itself or because of my own issues with my sexuality. This has happened with both guys and girls. Do you think you're worrying about how other people would react if they thought you were gay/bi? Or is it a case of accepting it for yourself? Also I wouldn't recommend watching porn as a benchmark for where your sexuality lies, I try to avoid it because it throws all sorts of unrealistic values into the mix. I think from what you've said you know that sexuality isn't just about sex, so maybe you need to consider what your emotional needs are? And try not to worry about putting a label on anything, its totally your thing. Labels are for other people.
From what you've descried, I would say that the label "homo-flexible" describes you best. It means that, while you have a dominant sexual preference for males, there are still times when you make exceptions and go for females. That being said, bisexual and pansexual are other possibilities. In spite of it all, the most important thing is this: Labels mean nothing. They are a social construct made to organize people. When it comes down to it, only you can decide who you are. Follow your heart. Just don't obsess over trying to find a label. I wasted a lot of time and energy going through label after label, to the tune of having to come out to the same group of people twice because I told them I was bisexual before I fully understood that I was gay. Take your time, think, meditate, and relax. There is nobody but you pressuring you to find a label. It's a confusing and emotional process for everyone. Side note: There is a fantastic video on YouTube that you should check out. It's called "The ABC's of LGBT" by Ashley Mardell. She described a whole host of sexual and romantic labels in it. It might help you.
