Coming out is a lifelong process- and its stressing me out!!

You totally do NOT have to come out to them first before dropping that in. And you don't even have to drop it in or come out at all to people who aren't in your inner circle or to anyone you are uncomfortable with sharing that info.

Yes we are always assumed to be heterosexual unless we wear clothes/act in very stereotypical obvious ways. If we're not 'in your face gay' people may just assume we are het and that is so annoying. But it doesn't mean we have to come out to everyone, especially if the feeling of coming out to a certain person fills you with dread.

Your main support system, the people that matter know so my advice is to not worry about the rest, especially if it causes you stress. Enjoy your family and boyfriend and friends, lean on them. The other people are just peripheral in your life anyway, there's no law saying if we're out to certain people we have to be out with everyone.

 

If you're asked about your relationship status or if it comes up some other way, obviously, you'll have to discuss it. Otherwise, however, I'd say it's nothing to worry about. Clearly, you are proud and confident about your sexuality. Don't let a little fear make you think otherwise. In some way, it will always be there but you don't need to worry about it.

 

Rory, it's almost 20 years since I came out as gay to my nearest and dearest and since then I've been fairly relaxed about it. If the important people know, accept and support you, nobody else really matters. You don't even have to "come out" to those people. I think Rachel (above) stated it well; they are peripheral in your life.

Look at my profile and my out status and you will see how I approach the issue now. I tell people when it naturally comes up in a conversation, just like straight people do. I don't broadcast my sexuality, but I don't conceal it either. In conversation I often say "us" or "we" and if someone asks me directly or mistakenly assumes I am straight, I will correct them, but I will never shake hands with a new acquaintance and immediately tell them I'm gay. That really would seem odd.

The world is changing and society is becoming more used to same sex relationships. As time goes on, I think people and businesses will avoid making assumptions, but we're still some way off that point yet. Maybe it's a challenge/campaign our community needs to face up to.

 

Rory, I was in the same boat as you earlier this year. I was out to most of my close friends and family, some coworkers. Finally it just became too much. Some knew, some didn't and it would overwhelm me at times. It's a lot to keep track of! It took me a few weeks to mentally psych myself up, but in the summer I wrote a letter whichI posted to Facebook and emailed to family. I don't know your circumstances - coming out entirely might be the right thing for you, it might not. For me, it taught me I had nothing to fear but fear itself. Since coming out I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. I'm much less stressed out and way more relaxed. If someone new finds out I'm gay, oh well. I am who I am.

 

Rory, I was in the same boat as you earlier this year. I was out to most of my close friends and family, some coworkers. Finally it just became too much. Some knew, some didn't and it would overwhelm me at times. It's a lot to keep track of! It took me a few weeks to mentally psych myself up, but in the summer I wrote a letter I posted to Facebook and emailed to family. I don't know your circumstances - coming out entirely might be the right thing for you, it might not. For me, it taught me I had nothing to fear but fear itself. Since coming out I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. If someone new finds out I'm gay, oh well. I am who I am.