I am very new here, but I thought this would be one of the questions I should be asking myself. I think I had the feeling I was gay since I went into puberty, but only really found out and kind of accepted it about a month ago when I got a crush on a good friend of mine. It will probably won't work out, as he is straight (I guess) and has a girlfriend. Nonetheless, do I have the feeling that I want it to be over, as that probably will never be. I do trust him so far (as we're very good friends) that I think I could tell him. Wouldn't he be freaked out? I rather tell a friend first than a family member, as I have no idea how they will react. My friend does make negative "oh thats gay" remarks if 'applicable', but I don't know if that that says anything about his opinion. What would be the way to go, or does anyone have a 'recommended route'?
I would come out to the person that you feel like would be most accepting of you sexuality, and someone that you can trust. I wouldn't recommend family members because, like you said, you don't know how they will take it. If you feel like your friend would be fine with you being gay, then go for it. I didn't tell my best friend because I wasn't sure. I told a close friend my first time.
As stevefs said, you would want to come out to someone who you know would be accepting. Also, if being straight is something you've been hiding for a while and you want to talk about it, you want to tell someone you know wouldn't mind hearing your worries, concerns, love life, and other things. I'm out to three people, but it is essentially one. I came out to my best girl friend senior year of high school because it was killing me to not tell anyone; she was very accepting, but I told her I was bisexual (she still believed it was more of a 'phase' thing) and we also don't talk as much anymore because of distance. I came out to my straight crush about a year ago and I only told him because I needed to move on with my life and the 'What if he is gay?' question killed me. He turned out to be straight and was very accepting. But I also told him I was bisexual. Lastly, I came out to a very close friend of mine (about two weeks ago) as gay finally. She was nothing but accepting and I have been able to talk to her about things. That is what you really want. You are going to have worries or maybe you will just feel lonely and want to vent about how you want a boyfriend. If you feel like he is someone you could talk to about all of this, go for it. If you ever need someone to talk to, you could always post on my wall. I have been in the 'crush on a straight guy' situation many times.
As stevefs said, you would want to come out to someone who you know would be accepting. Also, if being straight is something you've been hiding for a while and you want to talk about it, you want to tell someone you know wouldn't mind hearing your worries, concerns, love life, and other things. I'm out to three people, but it is essentially one. I came out to my best girl friend senior year of high school because it was killing me to not tell anyone; she was very accepting, but I told her I was bisexual (she still believed it was more of a 'phase' thing) and we also don't talk as much anymore because of distance. I came out to my straight crush about a year ago and I only told him because I needed to move on with my life and the 'What if he is gay?' question killed me. He turned out to be straight and was very accepting. But I also told him I was bisexual. Lastly, I came out to a very close friend of mine (about two weeks ago) as gay finally. She was nothing but accepting and I have been able to talk to her about things. That is what you really want. You are going to have worries or maybe you will just feel lonely and want to vent about how you want a boyfriend. If you feel like he is someone you could talk to about all of this, go for it. If you ever need someone to talk to, you could always post on my wall. I have been in the 'crush on a straight guy' situation many times.
What would be the signs of someone being accepting about it? I do have some friends at school, but its not uncommon to say something 'is gay', but should that mean something? Next to that, how would you start the conversation? Mostly I have friends whom I see 99% of the time at school or in between classes, so there would be people around. Should I invite them over, (which never happens) or would that be too personal and not give them 'somewhere to flee' if they are not comfortable with it? Thanks for all your comments
There aren't any real signs that people will or won't be accepting. At school people often just call something gay to try and be cool. They'll stop once they know it's hurting someone. As for your crush, you don't have to say that you like him right away, start just by saying what you are, and determine whether or not you should tell him the rest based on his reaction. Either way, save it for another time, take baby steps and start with orientation in one talk, then how you feel about him in another. Where doesn't really matter as long as its a neutral setting, where neither you nor him feel cornered or trapped. If he feels like he's being pressured, that might make him react in a way he wouldn't normally. I'd recommend your house (but not his), a gym or phys ed class, or just passing by in the hallways. (People will be paying too much attention to themselves to care about others.) If you have any other questions, hit me up on my wall or message me! Im always checking the forums throughout the day!
