This thread is part coming out story, part confusion about sexuality - I wasn't sure which category to put it in. Feel free to move it if it is the wrong category Over the past few months I came to the conclusion that I was not straight. I am still not sure, though, whether I am asexual, gay, bi or something in between. Its been a while now keeping it in the closet so I decided this weekend to tell my parents. My parents, as far as I knew, were quite homophobic, especially my dad. They generally avoided any LGBT discussion and when the topic did come up, they showed their disapproval of the idea in general. However, this is probably because they were brought up in a culture where the idea of LBGT was a taboo and never discussed, so I don't completely blame them. Also, my dad always told about finding a girlfriend so I though the idea of his son not having one would probably be a big shock. Yet still, I decided to tell them because 1. they were my parents and 2. I would probably have to tell them sooner or later so might as well get it over and done with. I was prepared for them to show there disgust and disapproval immediately but I was surprised to find that their reaction was calm. They didn't shout and they were quite comforting, which was quite a shock. But they were also in complete denial. They said that I didn't know what I was thinking and I was just confused. They also said that I am just not that interested in girls at the moment because I am too young (btw I didn't know at the time still whether I liked girls or not). Apparently, the main reason that I prefer guys (I don't know if I like guys for certain but I think I probably do) over girls is that I go to an all boys and I barely know any girls (which is true because all my friends are guys). They also expressed how everyone at my age is feeling the same thing and eventually the right girl will come along and I will live happily ever after. Its been really awkward over the past few days because they have been trying to talk to me about it but I have been trying to avoid the conversation. The points that my parents made seem to make sense. I don't know many girls. Is that why I like guys more? When I find the "right girl" will I just "become straight"? I thought I was beginning to become more confident about my sexuality but this has just destroyed all my confidence. What do I do? Should I talk to my parents? Did anyone else have parents that went through denial? Is it normal to be this confused about my sexuality after I felt so confident about it?
You haven't tried to fit yourself in a label yet which is great because you just aren't sure yet which is totally fine. Maybe right now it's hard to tell if you like girls too just because you don't get to see/meet a whole lot. That makes sense. But regardless, you feel the way you feel. Just think of things on an individual basis instead of trying to find the perfect label. Anything you feel is completely right because it's what you feel. If you like a guy, you like a guy. If down the road, you like a girl, then it's that simple. You like a girl. Whatever your parents say doesn't change that. Right now your parents are trying to rationalize it for themselves so they can still fit you into the label they see you as. They're taking one little detail like what gender you're normally in contact with and using it to explain or rationalize why you're straight for themselves. That's like if someone said they liked oranges and their parents said "No, you probably just think you do because you've mostly eaten oranges all your life." It's normal to feel more confused after coming out because they're your parents and you're inclined to take what they say to heart. That's natural. That doesn't mean they're right though. Going forward, just continue to be yourself and feel what you feel. Don't try to fit yourself into any label prematurely for any reason. Not for them and not for yourself. You're doing yourself a huge favor by just allowing yourself to be questioning. Just continue being open to your feelings and don't try to force anything. All you can do is keep being yourself. If in the future you find you like guys more and want to date a guy, then go for it. Same if it's a girl. But don't do or not do anything just because of what you've told them and how they reacted. In the future if they see you continuing to like guys, they'll eventually see they can't change it or pretend it's not real. Then they'll be in less denial. In the meantime, maybe you can talk to them calmly and just say "I appreciate that you guys reacted kindly about it, but I'm still figuring it out and this is something that is very real for me so it doesn't make me feel good when you just dismiss it as a phase. I'd prefer if you didn't act like that, because that would make me feel a lot better." Or something like that. Hope this helps and best of luck!
