I'm wondering if I should actualy come out to anyone. What bonus would that give me? Also, I don't want anyone in my family to know because my father dissaproves of non-heterosexuals, though he doesn't talk trash or anything like that. He just simply dissaproves of them. In fact, one time while me, my brother, and my father watching the news, we were kind of dissaproving of gays as a group, and he actualy said that we would be out the door if either of us told him that we were gay (I'm guessing that this also is for being bi). I think he meant it jokingly but now I'm kind of scared. I have a really good relationship with my father and don't want to f**k it up. Plus, I'm just embarrassed about it to really tell anybody. The only person I "came out to" I did by accident. What should I do? Who should I come out to?
Hi Mental, I'm not very out at all, so I'm definitely not an authority here. Coming out does have its advantages. It can let you live your life as your true self, uniting your inner self with the self you present to others, and thus alleviate a lot of stress. It can also let you find a partner! But if you're in a situation where you already live on someone else's terms, coming out may not allow you to express yourself more freely at all. It can do just the opposite if the people you live with are intolerant. It sounds like you still live with your family and they sometimes express some homophobic stuff. That must be really hard. One way you can deal with that, without having to put yourself on the line, is to push back against that homophobia. You can disagree when they make offensive comments. You could try to bring up the topic of same-sex marriage in a positive light. Perhaps working to expand your father's mind and challenge some of your family's ideas will allow you to be more honest with them about yourself when you're ready.
I'm so sorry, Mental. I know exactly how you're feeling. My mom and dad said the same thing, and they've told me plenty of times that I "better not be gay". It was painful to hear. If you really do think that you'll get kicked out of your house for coming out, I would definitely wait. You're only 15 an you don't have the means to live by yourself. It's hard, I know, but just hang in there. You'll know when the time is right when it comes.
Coming out can be really worth it because then you don't feel like you have to hide yourself so much from those that are close to you. But of course if you'd ever feel unsafe coming out you should not do it because you're physical and emotional safety comes first always. Also, if you're just not ready that's okay too. Do you have a close friend you feel would support you? Because it may be best to tell them. Sometimes it can even be helpful or easier to come out to someone who's more of an acquaintance or less close friend that you know you could trust, maybe even a school councelor or someone like that if need be. I hope this helps and I'm so sorry to hear you're dad is like that. You don't deserve to have to take that. Best wishes<3
To be honest, this is a bit odd, but I don't even really see same-sex marriage in a positive light, of coarse, I don't see most things in a positive light, so that's kind of to be expected. And for the disagreeing part, I'm not a very outspoken kind of person, unless during one of my breakdowns, so that's sort of out of the question. Thank you though.
Perhaps it would do you good to try and focus on those things more. The way you were raised has probably shaped your opinions about same-sex marriage and other LGBT+ issues. It can be hard to stand up for yourself in a situation like this, especially when you're family taught you these very values. But just because that's how you were raised doesn't mean that's the only opinion or the right one and most importantly it doesn't mean you can't come to see it differently. And I don't know what your exact opinions are about same-sex marriage but I think if you're having trouble accepting that kind of thing maybe that means you haven't fully accepted your own sexuality yet, at least not on a deeper level. And just know, I don't mean any of this in an aggressive way I understand it's hard when you're raised a with certain views especially when that contradicts with the way you are. And don't put pressure on yourself for not being able to speak up to your family about these things either. It's scary to do stuff like that, especially with family and especially when it concerns something you haven't told them yet. But that doesn't mean you should let what they say or have said, or even what you've said get to you. <3
