Everyone has always assumed I'm gay. My response has always been to tell them I'm straight and I worked very very hard to make sure everyone knew I was straight. (It's partly my voice and my casual uplifting sensitive personality I've been told). Now I discover and accept that I am bi-sexual. No one knows I'm bi-sexual. I am primarily romantically attracted to women and primarily sexually attracted to men. I have been in love with a woman before and had no problems sexually however I've never hugged a man let alone anything else. In reality I want a wife and 2 or 3 children but the feeling to have a relationship with a man is still there at least once. Another problem I'm having is I've always been a supporter of not coming out but just letting it be a part of your life. Basically don't make a big deal about it. And I've discussed this with many people so coming out would make me a hypocrite. What I would find more awkward is just showing up with my new hypothetical boyfriend out of the blue. I actually carry a card in my wallet that says I'm bi-sexual so I can risk being exposed without having to tell anyone myself. I know my family would be accepting because when my cousin came out no one had a problem with it. And his older sister is secretly bi-sexual. My last problem here is the insane pressure to have a child with my last name. The burden of this comes down to me and my two brothers both about 9 years younger then me. I'm 21. I know I want children but I'm not prepared to have an in depth discussion about how I could fall in love with a man or woman. Of course I can have children with another man too just a little differently. I'm still living with my parents while I get my degrees so I don't want to have to cause any sort of tension even though they accepted my cousin and my dad is open to it but slightly homophobic (making jokes about gay people although the last one I heard was several years ago). You don't have to address every issue I present but if you can understand and maybe throw some advice my way I would appreciate it.
I have no problem addressing each issue. I'll break it down based on each paragraph of your previous post. (Starting from the fifth paragraph) I get that you don't want to make a big deal about coming out cuz it seems like a burden/hassle for yourself and others, but that's not what it is at all. Its an uplifting feeling of self disclosure to yourself and to others. Ive found that people actually come to respect you for doing it, since it takes a large amount of courage to do. I don't see how it makes you a hypocrite, that doesn't really make sense to me in this context... Also whats with the "hypothetical" boyfriend? Now I'm the confused one. xD Wallet card? Never heard of someone doing that, but whatever works for you I guess? Now the clerk at Walmart and the guy in the back alleyway know you're bi. :/ Its good that your family is accepting, so take advantage of that opportunity. Thats not something many people can say about their coming out experience. Child with your last name; from what i understand of same sex marriage, one of the two last names can be chosen for the couple, the names can stay the same, or they can be combined (ie. Johnson-Green). And since you're also into women, that would only be a choice to make if you choose a man. Surrogate parents, you know the drill for this paragraph. Lastly; the homophobic father; an issue I've addressed many times on this forum, and personally myself. Jokes are jokes, as long as you don't think he'll cause any kind of danger to you, I'd still tell him. My dad made the effort to change once i told him i was gay (and if he can make an effort to change his ways when about as straight as a corkscrew, yours should to if he knows it could go either way with you ). Point being; don't take the subtle and indecisive approach of wallet cards, say it out loud to people once, get it over with, and you'll feel better in the short run, and the long run. (*hug*)
The card in my wallet just says I'm bisexual and I signed it. It's my way of acknowledging my bi-sexuality and a way for someone who is snooping on me to find out because I don't really have the courage to say it out loud. It's not visible for others to see just by seeing my wallet they would actually have to look through it. The hypothetical boyfriend is the one I would show up with without telling anyone I'm bi-sexual. I guess if I'm going to tell anyone it should be my gay cousin first since he would be the most accepting. Anyway thank for for the advice. It gives me something to think about.
Great idea! I first came out to my close bisexual friend, and her supportive reaction is what inspired me to progress to the rest of my family and peers. :icon_bigg
