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Anyone feel that they are doing something wrong when they come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ConverseCody, Dec 4, 2015.

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  1. ConverseCody

    ConverseCody
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    Okay, so the wording of the title isn't the best, but I was unsure how else to write it. Basically an issue I have is that when I come out to an older person ie. an adult I quite often get this sense that I'm doing something wrong. I sometimes get this voice in my head saying 'they think you're being stupid, you're too young to be open about your sexuality', and that they would accept an openly gay adult but not me. Also sometimes when I chip in with 'oh my boyfriend does that' I get a nagging voice in my head telling me that people must think I'm flaunting my sexuality or making a big deal of it. I also get little voices in my head saying stupid things like 'they think you're too shy to be gay, they think you're too dopey to be gay, they think you're too masculine' and they're judging me because of this.

    Does anyone else get these stupid voices in your head? If so, how do you get rid of them. I try to correct them all the time but they seem to be so ingrained :frowning2:
     
    #1 ConverseCody, Dec 4, 2015
  2. mellie

    mellie
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    The only way to get rid of those voices is to be truly confident with who you are. When you stand firm and completely accept who you are, people will follow your lead.

    As a married 30 year old with 2 kids who just came out, I can tell you that these worries aren't specific to youth. I've had the SAME thoughts and the SAME insecurities, and I'm still working on them. Most likely, people aren't really judging you, you are just busy judging yourself. (*hug*)
     
    #2 mellie, Dec 4, 2015
  3. ConverseCody

    ConverseCody
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    Thank you! :slight_smile: The last sentence really resonated with me! (*hug*) How would you say you best worked on your insecurities and confidence? :slight_smile:
     
    #3 ConverseCody, Dec 4, 2015
  4. Steve FS

    Steve FS
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    The only wrong thing is the fact that I have to come out to people. Straight people don't need to do this. It's like a straight man pulling his mom to the side and saying, "Mom. This is hard for me to say, but I like to have sex with women. Please don't hate me for wanting to have sex with women."

    My sexuality is clearly none of their business - I'm not having sex with them! But sometimes, it has to be done if people want to understand who you are.

    But like what Mellie said, the insecurities are stemming from you. Do you feel like you're less masculine because you're gay?
     
    #4 Steve FS, Dec 4, 2015
  5. Soundofmusic

    Soundofmusic
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    Im 27 and I feel the same way. I feel like I need to censor myself and like I need to apologize :/. Not with everyone but mostly with the poeple I care about the most. Its awkward. So youre not alone :frowning2:
     
    #5 Soundofmusic, Dec 4, 2015
  6. mellie

    mellie
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    Therapy! I am a huge advocate for therapy. But you have to find the RIGHT therapist. Having someone completely unbiased and nonjudgmental to talk to is priceless. Do you see a therapist? Would your parents help you out with this if you asked? It wouldn't hurt to give it a try, right? You just have to stick with it, sometimes these things take time.

    Also, I journal. This has helped a lot, because when I write and a reread what I wrote, I can see that mostly my insecurities are just that, MY insecurities. Jotting down how I feel helps because I can look back and say, "Well, what did he or she say or do that made me feel that way?" The answer is usually, nothing . . . I made myself feel that way. Sometimes your thoughts and worries can become so jumbled up there, it's nice to just have a place to organize them, so you can look at them logically.

    And, hanging out here has been extremely therapeutic, because you have all these people from all walks of life, of all ages and genders and sexualities and nationalities, who are all having the SAME thoughts and the SAME issues. And it really helps to simply know that you are not alone. Be grateful that you are exploring this and finding who you are at such a young age. It's okay to feel vulnerable. You're dealing with a lot. Just keep sticking up for who you are. You're gay. You want to share that you're gay--that is so STRONG and COURAGEOUS. You're already on your way :slight_smile:
     
    #6 mellie, Dec 4, 2015
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