Hey y'all! Sorry in advance for the wall of text! I have two things I'd like some advice on here. First of all, I came out to my mom as trans a while ago as the result of... well, I wasn't very careful about things and she found out, so I decided to come out to her and clear up the confusion. It went well, in that she didn't seem upset (she was super calm and I was totally freaking out, heh), and she "wants me to be happy". It went badly, in that despite our discussion I don't think she really understands what I was trying to tell her. I was so nervous that I just did a terrible job explaining... (tbh most of my responses to her questions consisted of "shrug, i dunno"... I couldn't form words!) Part of this is that she's very opposed to any thought of transitioning, which I can understand, but, I was hoping to help her see that this is something I kind of need to do at some point. Unfortunately she also wasn't interested in the resources I handed over. (Not a 'I don't want to read them' thing, she didn't have the time/ability to look at them.) So since I did such a terrible job the first time, and I really do want her to understand what's up, I'm planning to have a second go at it. Especially as she's somehow gotten it into her head that "gay man" means lesbian, and I'm getting tired of the lesbian commentary :eusa_doh: So... question #1, Has anyone else had to "do it over" like this? I figure it'll take her a while to really come around and accept it, but, in the meantime is there some way besides throwing resources at her, that I can help her understand better? Secondarily, since I'm out to her I feel slightly more able to "come out" at university. I'm not interested in being super out or whatever, mostly in being able to use my preferred name/the right pronouns in classes. My best thought, is to email the professors to let them know I prefer said name/pronouns... and something about how it's really important to me they not use my birthname and treat me as male. For example, we sometimes have gender-split group projects... I'd rather not be the third guy in a group that's supposed to have two girls, two guys. That sort of thing. So question #2, Does anyone have experience with this sort of thing? Do you think I'm on the right track with the email idea? And related to #2, I have a strong suspicion that one of the professors I've had previously, is the sort who would totally respect my request... but make a big thing of it on the first day, and possibly out me, in a well-meaning attempt to get my classmates to follow along! Now, I don't know for sure if they'd do that... they may be more savvy about these things than my prior experience indicates... but, just in case, any thoughts on preventing the possibility would also be appreciated! :icon_eek:
For the first question, yes, I've had to have a "do-over" coming out. Mainly because a. my parents considered asexuality fake (they thought that in order to have a strong relationship and to show love you have to have sex...) and b. I didn't identify as agender until the second time (and I'm probably gonna have to have a third re-do to convince them to use the right prononus). Personally, the way I tried to get my parents to understand is I sat down and talked with them. I explained it the best I could, and any questions or counters they had, I would respond to. I think that face-to-face discussion may be a bit more effective than a bundle of articles. As for the second, I don't have any experience with it quite yet, though I have been considering talking to my psychology teacher about using they/them pronouns for me (though it's kinda futile now, the semester's almost over and I'm not gonna have him anymore). I do think you're on the right track with the email thing, though. If you really want your professors to use your pronouns and name, that's a pretty smart move. And in the case of your overzealous professor, perhaps specify that even though you want your name and pronouns used and are explaining it to them, it's not an invitation for them to out you to the rest of your class, and that if you wanted to be out to the rest of your class, you would tell them on your own time. I hope this helps.
Thank you, it does help. I guess I'll just have to psych myself up and go for it when the next opportunity pops up... at least now she already knows, so I don't have to be so nervous! And hopefully I can form words this time :lol: & yeah, I'm just super nervous about it because I've never really been "out" before, especially to someone I haven't met yet. I suppose the worst that can happen is if they just ignore it and use my birthname/female pronouns... which is what would happen anyway if I did nothing. So I suppose that's not too bad
