I am now up tonight after taking some stuff to try to get to sleep. It's not putting me to sleep after what happened though. I just feel a little buzzed, but I'm not tired Coming out has damaged my relationship with my family, and I am unsure if it will ever recover. I'm now feeling like an outcast, and I feel like I don't belong in the world. I don't mean it in a suicidal way or anything. I just feel like I'm a freak that doesn't belong. My family claims that they "accept" me and will "love" me regardless, but they are saying some very hurtful, agitating things like that it adds to the sense of feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel with me and my Mom even accused me of wanting to "try" this for the purpose of getting a rise out of them. I'm pissed because she said she accepted me before and she said she was as "accepting as she could be". She has also said that she finds my orientation 'disturbing' and that although she wants me to accept myself and that she will accept me regardless that she's "entitled to her reaction". My Mom was yelling at me about different things tonight, and the sexuality kept coming up over and over again. I really feel like I've lost them. She sent me an email saying that they respect my right to make my own decisions, but after that conversation I sense hostility. I don't think I'm going to be able to have them in my life in the end. I feel like even though they say that "love me regardless", there is this tone of negativity and even hostility.
I have not come out to anyone and I am completely gay, I mean I find girls attractive still, just physically and not sexually. But I come from a very non-accepting family and I love my family and we are extremely close which is why i still havent come out to them, because I am afraid of losing them, but then again I have been preparing myself for the day that I tell them and they dont accept me and it still scares the shit out of me. My best advice to you because it is what I plan to do, give them their space as much as you can handle yourself, let them come to terms with this, you can call them or text them that you love them and miss them or whatever you want to say to let them know you are still there, and they will eventually come around, but you have to accept the fact that YOU CANT CHANGE and that the may never be able to FULLY accept you. Just give them time and continue to be yourself, they will get over it and they will always love you although it may not seem like it now... Good luck brother
She sent me an email saying she doesn't want things to be "so fucked up" and she respects my right to make my own decisions. I replied to her by saying that for one it isn't a choice. I also said expressed happiness with the idea of this and that rather than being more tunnel...... it is the light at the end of the tunnel. Well, I'll see in the morning but maybe it will go well. I can't say, but hopefully this settles down. They were angry about some other things, and I then they just decided to take this and run with it.
I believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there has to be. If there isnt I plan to make a hole in that tunnel and find the light myself lol even as gays we live the same life as straight me and we deserve to be just as happy... good luck with everything, I hope you and your family become closer than you have been!
Eh, who knows. I feel like I got blindsided tonight, because things have been okay between us before. Then, she just fucking unloaded on me. Before, there seemed to be a degree of acceptance. Like four days ago, they were playing a guessing game trying to figure out which of my guy friends I liked.... after I told them I liked one of my guy friends. She was offering to get me nail polish when I expressed interest in wearing it, and they were taking the approach of not getting involved trying to make my decisions. They said that they would accept me and that regardless they wanted a close relationship. Then, ba fucking boom. She started by talking about AIDS. Then, I began to notice an angry tone. It started getting angrier and angrier, and then she started saying that maybe I just wanted to "try" being that way to piss them off. Then, it descended into her comments about there being "no light at the end of the tunnel" and that I don't do anything around the house and all that stuff. By that point, she was just screaming. I don't get it at all? She did send that about not wanting things to be so fucked up, so maybe this was somewhat of a fluke?
I've been following all your posts and you are obviously on an emotional rollercoaster. I would like for you to consider the following... I might be totally off base but hear me out for a second and give this some thought: I'm going to take a guess that you've spend the last couple of months trying to figure out how to come out to your parents and in the process imagined and prepared yourself for the worst possible outcome. In short, you expected your parents to be angry and basically turn on you and then when you eventually did come out to them none of that happened, they tried to be accepting. I think you are battling to deal with that reality because it's an option that you didn't play out in your head or even really considered a real possibility as you prepared yourself mentally for the worst case scenario... Now, you're trying to poke holes into the outcome, you're trying to find the cracks that would prove your initial fear that your parents will reject you and not accept you for whom you are, by confronting them all the time and over analysing every response that they are making. You need to understand that all of this is also very new to them and as much as they're going to try to be there and support you they will also make mistakes. It's just as traumatic for them to deal with a whole new reality as it is for you and it will take them time to figure things out and come to terms with it all. Naturally they will be worried about all sorts of things, a lot of them based on misconceptions about what it means to be LGBT... that comes into play with things like being able to live a happy and full life, not being discriminated against, aids, religion and everything else that you can throw at the subject matter. Remember, they want the very best for you and they would want to protect you from getting hurt at all costs because they love you... they love you unconditionally and you need to realise that and above all you need to accept it. I understand that you're emotional and that this is a huge and probably the most difficult thing you'll ever have to deal with in your life, but you need to step back and stop the confrontations and stop over analysing everything that is said and done trying to find the cracks in your parents love for you. If you really feel that you're battling with this you could ask your parents whether you could go see a therapist that can help you work trough all of this. Trust me, a huge part of the battle of coming out is the fight that we have with ourselves and it can be a huge benefit to talk to someone that will try to help you make sense of it all. I hope this is of some help to try and figure out why you're experiencing the ups and downs you're going trough right now. I think you have amazing parents and you should really be grateful that they are willing to stand by you. Accept it, embrace it and focus on just being who you are instead.
Hi I am very sorry that you are having all of this to deal with just when you thought things were settling down. I think that if I were you,I would let all of these hurt full things that she says go straight in one ear and out of the other for a few weeks.Dont dwell on any of it.It sounds like her emotions are all over the place at the moment and when anyone gets in that sort of state they say many things out of desperation.She will say anything(hurtfull or not) just to get the old (straight) you back.With a little time to process this new information she will start to be able to accept it and once she does get to the stage of accepting you I am quite sure that all of her hurtfull comments will stop and things will return to normal. Good luck and be a little patient while she has a chance to process all of this new information.
Wow, now she wrote me an email stating that she is "loving and accepting" yet in it she says something about sexuality being a continuum but it's not to "undermine your feelings of uniqueness and drama". She's still trying to say that this is for "drama". It just keeps getting worse, she was literally screaming at me on the phone last night and now this. I haven't seen them yet, but they keep wanting to say hurtful troublemaking things
This is probably the best advice you can take at the moment. You've thrown your mother a major curve ball. It is probably a situation where she'd most likely accept you as Gay rather than Bi. As far as the AIDS comments she's probably closer to my age and we grew up in an Era when AIDS was so unknown. Give her some time. Relax. Take a deep breath.
I am assuming that you have read about the five stages of grief on here many times,if not please check it out. I believe that is what your mother is currently going through.If you familiarise yourself with the five stages you will nearly see the changes as they occur in the things she says and quite possibly the way she says them. Lets just hope she soon reaches acceptance.
I really don't get it, but there is just an overall tone of hostility in the air. They both insist that they don't care what my sexuality is, and as to their "uniqueness" and "drama" comment she basically says that it's a continuum for everybody (I guess it's sort of true), but that if acknowledging and living this is good for my self worth then that's my business. She even said that if I want to feel "unique" about it that's okay if it's a good thing for me. In a way she is kind of right here. I mean in the past I used to tell myself that "everybody thinks like this sometimes" and suppress it and strictly focus on my attraction to women. However, it is just a lot better for me being attracted to both, which I'm sure many people here can relate to. She seemed to be in a relatively positive tone in saying this though, which is a good sign. She also says that she doesn't want me making my business their business, whatever that's supposed to mean. I pointed out to her that she really flipped out on me last night, and she didn't really give an explanation. She says that she doesn't care about what I told her, but that she just wants me to be nice to her? There still is a tone of overall simmering hostility that seems like it's just about to erupt at any minute. I was being kind of argumentative with her, so maybe she is still just on the verge of erupting from that? I don't know, but it's possible things are smoothing out but I am not 100% sure yet
I'm assuming I'm a hell of a lot older than you. When I Came Out to my Mother she was accepting but not overly so. Now many months later she's to a point where she gives me the family "Gay" gossip. Give her some time. It will get better.
