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If Only I could...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by rastrovanlis, Dec 5, 2015.

  1. rastrovanlis

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Bandung
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    at first, I didn't want to make this topic because I knew, this kind of problem will not just be solved after writing it here but i can't get it out of my mind so I wrote this.
    I'm a lesbian. I know I've been one since God-knows-when. but I grew up in religious family in a country where LGBT is not tolerated. My parents, esp my mom is very narrow-minded and religious. I'm the eldest child of the family. In my family tradition, the eldest child has to get married first otherwise my younger siblings can't get married. I'm now 23 years old, have graduated with bachelor degree. I haven't brought any boys to home (because i'm not attracted to them!) i had only relationship once, with a girl. after that, there were just some flings and nothing serious. But i always like girls. but now my parents, esp mom, keeps asking me to get a boyfriend then get married fast. because all my older cousins have either husbands or at least boyfriends already. it's only me who's old enough to be single (not to mention, never brought any boys at all). I can't see my future because of this. Really, if i lived somewhere like USA or Europe where LGBT can be more accepted, I'm willing to come out. But when I look around, nothing good will come out if I tell them. Even if they disown me, I don't think I will survive alone since I have no jobs (fresh graduate). I don't have enough money to live alone. If I come out, it will bring shame (i don't feel shame of myself but my family might do) and the pressure because my younger siblings probably want to bring their date but they can't because i haven't brought one. I shouldn't be skipped because I'm their elder (family tradition) so yeah..i don't know what to do, really.. it stresses me out everytime there's family gathering, they would ask me why i don't have a boyfriend. if i come out, my mom would surely bring me to some pastors to cure me from the evils and so on. I'm going nuts :frowning2:
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there! I believe you mentioned in your introduction thread earlier that you are from Indonesia but are studying abroad at the moment. It certainly is a difficult position to be in, given your parents' expectations and religious beliefs. (*hug*)

    If you don't mind me asking, how does your mom feel about you traveling to Germany and next year to Australia? If she is okay with it, you could use the argument that studying abroad and getting new experiences that will help you to establish your own life is of higher priority for you at the moment. It might give you some breathing room.

    I don't think you have a reason to make it harder on yourself, by thinking about what could happen once you do come out. For now, I wouldn't recommend that you come out.

    It is something that might eventually happen but for now, maybe try to use your energy to think about how you can make things work for you. This could include some further education (a graduate degree for example) in another country, allowing you perhaps to apply for residency and/or work.