A couple of months ago I came out to a group of close friends and told them that I had a crush on one of our other friends. It couldn't have gone better and I thought that would be the end of it and everything would be fine... :roflmao::tears: oh how wrong I was I'm basically a paranoid wreck for a lot of the time even though I have no reason to be. I'm worried because: 1) They wanted to know who I liked for a long time and one friend in particular pressured me into it. She kept acting like I had a duty to say and they had a right to know and it got to the point where all she could do was interrogate me about it. I feel like it wasn't my decision. 2) I feel bad because they knew before my dad did. I only didn't tell him because he's away at work a lot and I don't get to see him very often but I still feel a little bad because he should have been one of the first to know 3) A few days afterwards the same friend who coerced me into it tried to blackmail me by saying she'd tell my crush about me. She stopped and seemed really ashamed after I told her she was being stupid and immature, but I'm still worried she'll try something again. 4) I told them I was bi just to make things sound simpler but I actually don't know if I'm bi or lesbian or pan or whatever. I feel like I've lied to them 5) I am UNBELIEVABLY SCARED that I'll be outed. That is my biggest fear: that I'll walk into class one day and everybody will know and I'll be hated, feared or only seen for my queerness and nothing else from then on. I know there's no reason that could happen, but now I'm scared of even disagreeing with my friends sometimes in case they tell.I cannot lose the girl I love and my dignity through everyone knowing. These feelings were particularly strong for the first week and I couldn't sleep because of them. I feel much better now but I still worry from time to time. Any suggestions on how to deal with this would be much appreciated. Thanks so much! I love y'all. (*hug*)
Hi moonlight! Here's what I would do: First, before you come out anymore, make sure you know your own sexuality. However, since it seems you've been outed a bit, it's okay to say that you're questioning! Since you still go to school, you're probably a teenager, like me. Right now, everyone is finding themselves, whether they admit it or not. Don't worry! Next, since they're your closest friends, ensure that they won't tell anyone about your sexuality. They have a huge secret to keep and since they're your friends they should respect that. Also, I have the same fears about coming out. I'm afraid of being viewed only by my sexuality. It's really holding me back in the coming out process. And it's okay that your dad wasn't the first to know. Come out in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Finally, don't worry! If you're outed, most people probably won't care. From what it sounds like, your friends seem to be okay with it. I don't know the amount of homophobia there is in Hong Kong, but I hope there isn't any! Stay strong, and remember that you always have support here. For me, EC is my main support system. Hope I helped!
First off, it's okay that you didn't come out to your dad first. People often come out to those they're less close to for a variety of reasons and it really doesn't matter. You intend to tell him and you should when you're ready to, not because you feel you should now. Take your time, it's okay. Some people even tell acquaintances or therapists first because that's easier or even because it just kind of happens that way. There's nothing wrong with what you've done and you shouldn't be hard on yourself for that. Everyone gives into pressure and regrets it, seriously everyone and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Now you've learned from it and it's good you stood up for yourself when your friend was grilling you. And don't worry about what you came out as. You're still not sure and that is A-okay! What you feel is your business, you don't owe them anything. The way society is kind of puts pressure on LGBT+ people to have it all figured out asap and not change their mind when they come out, which is a ridiculous expectation really. You're entitled to not have it right right away. Don't rush yourself and don't feel like you did something wrong. LOTS of people change their orientation several times, even after coming out. And think about it, a lot of people believe they're straight and others think so to and then they realize they're not and there's nothing wrong with that. Just like there's nothing wrong with figuring out down the road whether you're gay or bi or something else. It's totally okay! Perhaps trying to talk to your friends individually about your concern and stress to them that you don't want them to tell anybody else, even they're other friends because it's very important to you. It'll be okay(*hug*)
