I have to say that my family was asking very dumb questions today, and I am beginning to think that it may be best with them not in my life. They were saying that my bisexuality would make it so that it wouldn't be the track to a "committed relationship". The tone of judgment was really heavy in the air as they were asking me questions about things. I sent them an email explaining the whole thing, and if they refuse to get it and choose to continue to be ignorant and annoying, I am no longer going to keep them in my life. I will provoke a situation where they feel they have to disown me. I am not sure, but I'm thinking I'll just piss them off somehow. I'll just provoke them to decide that I am dead to them, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet. There are ideas I have had, but I fee like it will be difficult to rid myself of them if they become too annoying to me. Despite these stupid questions, they try to claim they "love" me so it will be difficult to rid myself of them if I have to. It will be difficult to get them to disown me, if I need to take this route. They wil try to hang on despite very difficult scenarios, I think. I can't say though. I'm sure I can cook something up if I have to in order to get them to leave my life. They act like they care about me in various ways and they say that they "love me regardless", but the dumb questions and judgmental ideas keep coming.
Slow down! I know it's not what you want to hear and ultimately it's totally up to you how you want to deal with your family, especially because you know them better. But it could be they're still struggling to accept it. I mean, that's obvious, but the point is they could change and I'm not just saying that. When someone first comes out, their family, not expecting it, may be scared, thinking you're going to change or that you won't have the same kind of life as them because they view it as something very different - or at least that's their current connotation of being bisexual. But you can change that. Once they see you having the relationships you want to have, they'll come to realize that you're still the same person you always were and you being bisexual doesn't change that. Talk to them. Tell them you don't like it when they ask those things and explain to them that you can absolutely go into a commited relationship but it's not their job to worry about that. Try to do it calmly but still, I mean it's harsh of them to say those things and maybe you feel they don't deserve an explanation or your patience because they haven't been patient or accepting with you, but you can be the bigger person. You can lead them on the path of acceptance. They cling to you because they don't want to see you leave them or be on your own. Right now, they fear for you and maybe don't accept the way you are, or aren't used to it. But show them they don't need to be afraid of that and then you'll have a loving family who supports you. Think about what it will be like if you get in a relationship and the person you date wants to meet your family, or you want to spend Christmas with someone. It's not fair of them to treat you this way and it's on them for making you feel like this, but you CAN change them and you CAN make it better. It's up to you what choice is best for you, but try to have a bit of patience with them, maybe talk to them more about it. I'm not saying completely forgive them and just take it. It'll take time and it may not be easy but that's what patience is and maybe one day you'll see it was worth it but you won't ever get there if you give up on them now. <3
I don't intend any offense, but I think you really need to calm down. You have created tons of very similar threads over the past week and seem to be in a rush to jump to the worst conclusion with your parents. From what I can tell your parents have some misguided concerns, have said some foolish things, and have some misconceptions about what it means to be bisexual, but they clearly love you and are trying to understand. Some parents are far more accepting than others, but no parent wishes for their child to be anything but straight if for no other reason than that life will be difficult because society is simply less accepting. Rightly or wrongly, coming out is a shock to your parents because it's not what they envisioned for you and they have to come to grips with the fact that they don't know you as well as they probably thought they did. Your parents are making an effort so give them a chance. It won't always be easy, but as long as they are willing to try I don't think it's a good idea to sacrifice one of the most important relationships you'll have in your life. Don't be so quick to say something you can never take back. I guarantee that if you try to cut your parents out of your life just because they are not immediately on the same page with you in regards to your sexuality that will be something you regret for the rest of your life.
I really don't get it now. When I sent them the email telling them how I really liked some of my guy friends and that depending on the case, I might be interested..... and that was pretty much the summary of what I was telling them..... They said it sounded "good". I just don't get it at all. They ask a bunch of idiotic, agitating questions to me. Honestly, the tone was very tense and I was starting to think that they were possible going to start grilling me about the sex related stuff. I just really don't get it, it's like one day they are fine with me and the next they are asking stupid questions and saying that I can't be in a committed relationship. Unfortunately, I don't think they are nice people. I've had other things happen that made me feel that way, but this is starting to put it over the edge. I don't get why an email saying how I wanted to sleep with my friends would sound "good" to someone who is prejudiced against somebody being bisexual? Plus, what about that sounds so much 'better' than what they must've thought? It's just so confusing! They are obviously very prejudiced and judgmental about it, but my Dad insists that he's worried about me being 'taken advantage of'. Last night, he was concerned about me going out for the night for fear that I would be taken advantage of by a "predator"......... and it's like I don't just randomly sleep with people not like they probably would believe that. It's like they go back and forth. They are accepting when they hear certain things, and then I say something that sets off the interrogation and the bullshit To be honest, I have a feeling that if I were ever with another guy like that..... they probably would not even want to see the person much and it would be very strained. Who knows, they could even disown me or something..... I don't trust these fuckers. However, she said she wants to talk about the email and that it sounds "good" which seems odd for such prejudiced people to be glad about me wanting to sleep with some of my friends. However, I do see that as a good sign so I'll be patient enough to listen to what they have to say to this. Hopefully, they are starting to get it. I will admit that with all the back and forth bullshit I have my doubts, but maybe I will be pleasantly surprised. I'll give them this one last chance, and if there is any more of this shit though I am done with these assholes for good. I'm unfortunately starting to feel like they are really second rate human beings. I've felt that way before about other things they have done. I can remember times when I would be crying about something when I was a kid and as an adult not related to this and my Mom would just yell at me to "cut it out". That's what I mean..... second rate human beings. Then again, since I have the misfortune of being related to these shitty people I'll give them this one singular chance to finally get it.
I'm sorry your parents are like that, but it's good your giving them another chance. I think you should give them some time though. I'm not saying the way they're being is nice or easily tolerable, but you probably struggled with getting used to and accepting your sexuality and that's exactly what they're doing now since this is news to them. They deserve some time to get used to it like you did when you were figuring out your sexuality.
I think I am starting to understand this situation a bit better. They do not seem to be speaking of my sexuality or the idea of being gay as "wrong", so I think that is important to see. It also looks like that email made them feel much better. I think there is an element of concern and fear that I am making a "bad choice". There is also an element of concern that my behavior could be somehow "dangerous" as a result of this. They also expressed concerns about me getting AIDS, which in my case is actually not really much of a concern for me. Of course, as you can imagine I wouldn't be able to reassure this fear. I'd have to get into talking about sexual stuff, and I would be embarrassed as hell to do that with them obviously. Other than this fear, I think they are relatively easily reassured about things.
