Spoiler i am um gonna tell the truth here so if you cannot handle someone on the edge dont; read I am actually having anxiety attacks even considering telling my best friend. I am 49 I have known her since college she had been with me through hell & high water yet I am so afraid of being lesbian I cannot even talk about it instead I go and sit here and cry. Am I nuts? I have had a hard road of recovery and never got a chance to deal with my sexuality I am not ashamed to say I have D.I.D. It was just easier at first when healing to make a rule of no sex no relationships cause well who would get to chose? My earliest memories of attraction have always been towards girls and then at college I had some women that just took my breath away. I learned at an early age around 12 to keep my mouth shut about liking girls. I feel damaged and unsure that anyone would want to work through my sexual troubles with me let alone if I was gay. But I am not happy. I want and have always wanted a partner. Is 49 too old? I don;t even know how to date let alone find a lesbian in the middle of the Quaker state lol hmm someone send up smoke signals I am lost. I just don;t know all I know is that when I am with a man I end up feeling used one more time. I can be appreciative of male physiques but as I healed through therapy I got less interested Yeah some guys are pretty but my god that WOMAN IS HOT lol I am not sure if my sexual torture has made me incapable of having a partner or not So I either get an electric blanket and live alone til I die or get brave and try I am deciding whether or not to go for counseling at this point but last time I tried I got some bad therapists and it took 3 years to find a competant one unfortunately when I became functional she retired so I have no one to turn to for help ok venting finished some input would be nice but please be gentle
Wow, after reading this, I'm reminded how much easier we our generation has it nowadays; I'm 18 by the way. We have places like this we can go to for support, a lot more open and accepting friends, and can find somebody to talk and relate to with a few quick google searches. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to gay in your generation. It looks like you're finally coming to terms with yourself though and are getting ready to let others know. This is fantastic! You should definitely tell your friend. There are lots of ways to tell her that doesn't have to be face-to-face if that's too much presure; email, a letter, etc... I'm sure there's an unbelievable amount of pressure and scariness leading up to it, but you'll feel so much better when you do; you can finally start being your true self! Yay! I know I'm not the greatest at giving advice/support, but I hope I helped a little. Best of luck!
I don't think you're ever too old to come out.You've been through hell to get to where you are,today. Don't give up and don't give in. There are many resources out there for the LGBT community. If you can find some,in your area,I'm sure they can recommend a good therapist. You've come a long way,just go a little further. It'll be worth it. It's your life,live it the way you were meant to. Good luck.
Wow responses lol thanks it is good to just have responses and know I am not alone. Yes I have found a TON of resources online in multi-countries for ages 25 and under and that is good! I was just not sure anyone was out there and over 25 and trying to cope. I have talked with someone from the Sidran Institute and the online therapist thinks I should start the search for a competant therapist. Yikes when I went for help with D.I.D. it took 3 years of bad therapists to finally find MJ and get help. I really think this is a half life right now and that is why I am not happy. Functional to work as best I can and eat and clean cloths and take care of responsibilities but no social life. That is not living. I thank you for your answers and I realize that just posting here I decided to try and have a full life as me. Not who I am supposed to be not who I am pressured to be but just ME. My friend acts all grossed out by women together lol I forget what I was watching and she said cat fight and I said where;s the mud without thinking about it lol she said EW would you like that? and I said um no inside yes outside no hey what the hell lol YES but why is that EW? I watch the Ellen D show and realized she was 50 and just got married and was like hey well why can;t I have that? I watch it rarely around my best friend Linda cause she makes me uncomfortable like I cannot just watch and be myself. Ellen...she is funny I like the show It was kinda my weak attempt to feel out how Linda would react which i guess is what set off the anxiety. and no I am not attracted to Linda she is more like my sister and even if she wasn;t she isn;t my type lol shhhhhh So my bravest thing will be to start going out without Linda and finding my social life which is gonna be damn hard I am gonna need to get some help first for sure. I never thought it would be fair to another person to get close and be this walking time bomb. Now I think with help maybe I can feel less like a walking time bomb and give more credit to another human being to care enough about me to work through my problems in the long run. I mean sex is only part of a partnership it isn't the whole thing right? sighs ok thanks for your words and help I am still listening
