Okay, basically I have been receiving a lot of difficult to deal with comments from my family. Then, I send them an email saying that I "had those types of feelings" towards a few of my friends and that if they were also sharing the feelings that depending on the case, I could certainly be interested. They say that this email "sounded good". I mean that's great that maybe we're on the same page, but why. I told them that I was bisexual, and I got a bunch of grilling, questions, worry, and what seemed like a major judgmental attitude. Before, they were saying things about being unhappy with it all in various ways and finding it 'disturbing', saying that I might be just 'doing it to piss them off', and saying that given everything that it made them feel like there is 'no light at the end of the tunnel' but they wouldn't feel as much that way if I'm more together. Today, all the hostility seems to be gone, but what I basically told them was that I "liked" some of my friends in that kind of way. I mean, basically what I said is just a tactful way of saying "I want to do sexual stuff to some of my friends and if they let me I'd probably jump at the opportunity", which is seen as "sounding good" yet telling them I am "bisexual" gets a bunch of grilling and worry about my "lifestyle". Major WTF. I don't know maybe they are just worried about who I would be involved with and just are concerned that I might get myself into some kind of bad or gross situation in life, which wouldn't be the case. Maybe this is driven by stereotypes and fear about stuff and somehow knowing that it would be with somebody I trusted just made it sound less threatening?
So let's make sure we're on the same page. Tell me if I get this straight. (or bi, haha. I know, I'm not punny) You send an email to your parents, asking if they approve of your love/sexual life. And your parents approve of that, from their response... But when you say that you're Bi, they freak out. It that all correct? I remember when I first came out as queer, my parents were fine at first, when I said I liked my friend. They started to get a bit worried however, when I surrounded myself with other LGBT and became part of the community, and less closeted. I was also struggling at the time, and I think they were concerned that I would wrap my life around this group of people, and not be open to other people or activities. They also worried, because, I was already insecure. So I guess they didn't want my life to be any harder. Linking back to your situation... Liking one of your friends... Is a bit different from fully embracing the concept of being bi. Liking a friend is safer, because it will just be your friends, and even then, not many people would have to know. Actually coming out can be a whole different roller coaster. So there are differences. Maybe that's why your parents freaked. Slowing things down would probably help your parents be more understanding. Maybe bring up the topic another time. Best of luck!
I think with them, it's the concern about promiscuous behavior that seems to get them worried. Somehow, the questions always seem to come back to worry about me being promiscuous or being "taken advantage of". I think when I explained that it was people I was close with already, it just sounded (and is) a lot safer and less threatening. The thing is though....... if the friends I was talking about were also bi..... I would've jumped at the opportunity without a second of hesitation. It's come up a little bit, and things have seemed somewhat okay. I don't know if you've read any of my other threads, but there was a weird thing I thought I overheard a while back that I'm still unsure of. Basically, I have a habit of asking my parents things like, "would you ever not speak to me again?". They say it's like I have OCD or something. Anyways, I asked them in relation to this. My Mom just answers, "We'll be dead someday." (basically she often doesn't answer these questions, because she wants me to stop asking) Then, I ask again later on. She says to me, "Is it really the most important thing if your parents speak to you?" She does finally say that she would never avoid speaking to me, but I am still upset and go upstairs. Then, I think overheard this while they thought I was out of earshot. Dad: Why would you express uncertainty if you would speak to him? Mom: Well there would be. Later on..... Dad: asks the same question Mom: There's uncertainty in life..... said in a frustrated tone Then, they were both assuring me that they would never avoid speaking to me. They have assured me of this a number of times after I had brought it up. Furthermore, my Dad says to me that she said "well there wouldn't be" with regard to the uncertainty rather than would. Maybe I misheard, I have definitely heard things wrong at times. I'm not even entirely sure if I remembered accurately what she was saying "well there would be" to, because I was so worked up at the time. Maybe she was saying it in the way she does sometimes of basically saying she isn't sure that they would necessarily be around anymore (they are older people)? It's weird, they even said things to the effect of that they "didn't care what my sexuality was" and things like that. I've brought the conversation I thought I overheard up to them a few times, and my Mom denies having said those things. My Dad says that Mom actually said wouldn't rather than would, and my Mom says she didn't say the "there's uncertainty in life" thing or that she wasn't saying it in reference to that question. Yeah, I'll definitely bring it up again like you said, I think I'm going to have to.
