My friend was over the other day and was telling me about his new neighbor and how he thinks he's gay. He's never outright said anything homophobic before but has that vibe while talking about it. I later was showing him some pictures of a Halloween party on my Mom's Facebook whose icon has that rainbow filter on, he said "What a colorful picture." so I said that she put it up because she supports gay people and he went "Wha- oh my god..." and was about to laugh, not the best reaction. Now I'm not technically "out" I was just going to tell someone if they asked and not make a big deal of it, but both of my friends come from conservative families, with racist Dads who've been rubbing off on them. I've known / been friends with these guys since we were babies and love them, but I don't know if I can continue listening to them occasionally make suggestive gay jokes in front of me thinking I'm straight. Though I don't know how to tell them I'm bi and take offense to some things that they've said without ruining the friendships. Any ideas?
Hey there! (*hug*) From what you've described, your friends don't seem to be on the violent and abusive side of homophobia. They seem like they're saying these things because they think it's the norm to say them, and so my first advice would be to not encourage them to act this way, even something as subtle as facial expression can usually give them enough hints to stop saying those things. If it persists then they may not be the best people to come out to, if you feel they're going to treat you negatively because of it. At that point you really have a cache-22 situation: - You come out but you may end up losing friends who don't approve/act negatively - Don't come out to those friends but stay in the same situation. I'm not entirely sure what age-range I'm working around here but I hope this advice covered everything in a basic sense. I certainly know a lot of teenagers use the word gay wrongly in a negative sense but that's more of a trend rather than direct homophobia (and a bad trend at that). Best of luck with whichever path you choose to take! (*hug*)
Thanks. I've tried discouraging them from their jokes before which usually works in the moment but they tend to forget, I'll try a little harder and see what happens.
I'm nowhere near your age so take my thoughts with a grain of salt. Your description of them seems more like they are just immature and emulating what they've seen and been taught. I behaved similarly as a teen. I wouldn't recommend coming out to them right away. Instead gently push back against the ignorance. If your friend makes a comment about his neighbor being gay you could say you think gay people are awesome. You can make your disapproval of hurtful language apparent with a look, walking away or speaking up. It depends on the situation and what you are comfortable with. Good for you for trying to be a positive influence.
