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Don't know if I should come out or not

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by anon195, Dec 7, 2015.

  1. anon195

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    Hi there, it's been a while since I last posted, but I'm not sure what to do, and I thought the people here might be able to help. I have recently started to question my sexuality, but not all the time. I was actively questioning it for a while in the spring, but then I sort of just stopped thinking about it/pushed it to the back of things while I was in a different context over the summer, but recently it has started to resurface.

    I am thinking about going to a friend I have who is openly bisexual, and maybe coming out (as questioning, I guess, do people do that?) and asking for advice. But I'm not entirely sure I am bisexual, so I don't know if I should talk to her about it if I'm not ready to "come out" as anything yet. I also think I might have had a crush on her at one point, so I don't want her to think I'm asking for advice because of that. It all just seems kind of complicated and overwhelming at this point, and I'm hoping someone on here maybe has advice to give :icon_redf
     
  2. Distant Echo

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    Post on here, describe your feelings. Read other peoples posts and see if any resonate with you.
    Let yourself explore who you are. It's scary at first, but fan-bloody-tastic when you work it out :wink:
     
    #2 Distant Echo, Dec 7, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2015
  3. Daemon

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    I wouldn't rush the process. I've only recently discoved my own sexuality and I as not saying anything yet even though I'm 100 percent sure. If I would have said something before this point there would be no turning back and I would be stuck with a label I wasn't ready to accept. Of course you can ask a few people you know you can trust your heart and secret too but until you understand your sexuality I would contemplate on it.
     
  4. ANerdWhoCares

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    There's no shame in coming out as questioning, or even coming out as something else later. People do that all the time. If you had read my thoughts a little less than a year ago, I would've been thinking "I'm bi." Now, there's no question that guys are for me! (Sorry ladies! :wink: )

    I'd highly encourage coming out as questioning to your bisexual friend. The first person I told that I was gay came out to me as bi the year before. We were in chemistry class working on a lab with in group of 4 (me and my 3 besties for life! :slight_smile: ), when she just sort of told us out of the blue. My other 2 friends said they were straight with certainty, and when they turned and asked "what about you?" I told them "I don't know yet..." (So that's basically saying I was questioning.)
    Point being, your bisexual friend should be able to help you figure out what you are, if you just work up the courage to tell them how confused you are, and that you need their help. :slight_smile:
     
  5. anon195

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    Thanks for the responses everyone (And pardon my delayed one)! I decided to think on it over winter break, but I really am going to try to talk with my friend once school starts back up again. Any advice on how to bring up the subject?
     
  6. starwars7

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    Hi:slight_smile: I am in the exactly the same boat as you. I am questioning my sexuality too but undecided whether to tell anyone about it. My best friend is gay and he has always been out and I also know a girl that is bi-sexual that has always been out too, both of which I know will support me and give me advice its just plucking up the courage to actually say it out loud. Also, I use to find the bi-sexual girl attractive a few years ago and like you forgot about it and moved on. Its nice to hear someone else is feeling the same way I am.

    Thank you for posting this! :icon_bigg
     
  7. Athexant

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    I'd just pull them aside and be honest about it. Just say that you've been thinking about it for some time and that you're questioning your sexuality and see where the conversation takes you from there. See if she has any advice to give or anything she's been through that helped her get to where she is.

    Best of luck to you, and I hope you get everything all figured out eventually. :thumbsup:
     
  8. Linus

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    If it were me I'd probably go about it sort of casually, like if you ever have a moment alone with her, and once you have a conversation going, just sort of casually ask, "Hey do you think I might be bi? I'm questioning." And see how that goes. Of course, that's what I would do. In any case, I wouldn't rush yourself. Though it does feel nice to come out, usually. Even if it's just questioning. I would definitely tell someone at one point or another.