Hello, I am very new to this website. I am a male guy who is very much in the closet. I so badly want to come out however, I am unable to because I feel the need to care about what other people think and I don't want to hurt anyone or make them change. I know I am not thinking of my self. But with the live style I have I don't have much of an option. The only way I can be free would be living out on the streets. I truly don't know how I would react. I am scared to tell my family and what little friends I have left over. In reality its a lot harder then people think it is to be your true self. I care about other people vs what I care about. It's just how I am. I help others more then I help my self. I guess it has to do with my rough child hood. I always want other people to be happier then they are, because I never want them to go through what I went though is the true nature I realized is why I have a hard time coming out. If you only knew what I go through I could ask for advice. You guys can certainly help me but I will always have that little voice in the back saying its too dangerous think of what you will loose and all those people you know may not ever want to know you any more. That frightens me. What would you do in my case and please be as open minded as possible.
I was a lot like you before I came out, but once I did, the majority of those feelings went away. You embrace the fact that you're gay and then you start to not care that people know that you're gay. It's hard to explain, but once you come out, it'll all make sense to you. The trick is to surround yourself with people who are not homophobic and will support you for you, not because of your sexuality. I'm not sure what kind of situation you're in when it comes to your family. I'm assuming if you come out, you'll get kicked out in the streets? I'm making assumptions. If that's the case, then you may want to wait before coming out to your family. Wait until you're able to be independent and not be homeless. It's hard, I know, but I'm currently doing the same thing because it is not safe to come out to my parents at the moment.
I'm sorry you feel bad about it. Coming out can be a very daunting thing to do but it's rarely as scary or dramatic as we make it out to be. I think the best thing to do is judge whether it's safe to come out and whether people will react positively or not. If you think coming out to your family may lead to you being kicked out, it's probably best to either wait or find somewhere else to live before you come out. I'd also suggest taking it in small stages. Start by telling a close friend or group of friends of someone else you trust to accept you and keep your secret. If that goes well you might want to tell your family or more people. Starting off small and building it up takes longer but is much easier than coming out in a sudden huge flash of rainbows. Just do what feels right to you. There's no pressure to rush it and above all, make sure you stay safe. I wish you all the luck in the world. (*hug*)
I thought all my friends would leave me when I came out. And I have drifted away from my friends (mostly because they aren't a ton of fun to be around). But, I got a whole new group of friends in a supportive teen yoga class I'm in and there's even another lesbian (actually, she's bi) in it! You'll always make new friends. Ones who support you. I've always lived in a posh family with everything I could ever want so I have no idea what you've been through.
Wow. I was the same way. Like. Really. So much so that it tore me apart on the inside and now that I'm realizing im trans its doing the same thing now. (To the point where I'm afraid what my grandparents will think when they find out I'm trans.) My family's been super supportive of everything my sister and I have done, so really that's helped. I've used to always just wanted to please everyone thanks to my mom doing the same. She's so humble and she puts so much effort into worry about everyone else she forgets whats truly important. Just not caring every once and a while is OK to because your just going to destory yourself in the end. Your never going to make it out there, pal >_<! Not in a mean way but its not rocket science. Lol. When you come to terms with this idea that sometimes you can make decisions for yourself and you can just talk without a filter every now and then, seriously, you'll feel SO much better. It's going to take some time, but in the meantime, honey take a deep breath. Relax, get some tea, get some cookies, do something that makes you feel happy. Makes you feel good about yourself physically, mentally, on the inside and out. Make yourself feel loved. It's not the end of the world. It'll never be. I learned that the hard way and this site is just helping me get over yet another stupid roadblock that i'm going through (gender identiy crisis, way to add another thing to the list, huh?). So just stay calm and try to be happy. It's not over yet.
Thank you for those Kind Words! I actually know of a trance gender friend who I rarely see any more. But She is the only one I have told of my true self. She is an amazing woman. I can't even imagine how someone needs to be of a different sex vs what they are and letting other people know. To me I would think people would go mad. I think this day in age, people are more willing to listen and try to accept what others are going through and help. But still there are many who cannot even comprehend what the LGBT community is all about. Thank you again and I hope to one day be happy on all levels. ---------- Post added 9th Dec 2015 at 01:20 PM ---------- Thank you for the kind words and advice. I plan on taking it slow and slowly tell close friends.
As Steve said, there is no rush. Everyone is different, and every situation is unique. You know what you're comfortable doing, so that's what you need to do. If nothing else, you have full support from everyone here. Chin up. It gets better. (*hug*)
