Hi All, I joined empty Closet almost a year ago. I have not been around alot, and I sometimes find navigating the site a bit tricky, but here goes. I want to know why i can't seem to move forward? I have struggled with mental anguish about this for a long time. I am 46 married with two beautiful girls one 19 the other 15. I Came out to my wife last Feb, just before i joined. It went better than I expected. I came out to a few people mostly people I met online. Then I took a big step and came out to someone I know. I have developped a friendship from commingout to one person, (Thank you so much J) It took me forever to tell my children. My 15 year old put the pieces together last Nov and told me. That made it easier for me than for me to have to tell her! She is so cool, and fantastic. She and I talk alot. So I decided The wife knew and one daughter knew, but not telling my oder daughter I was leaving her out. I finally got the nerve to tell her. While taking her back to University after the Holiday break I told her. It was so far the hardest to tell. Well I worried and was anxious for nothing. She loves me and understands. WOW I am blown away. Both my kids are ok, and my wife is generally accepting. Why can't i just be happy and move forward. Sorry This is such a long post I didn't realize i had so much to say! BUT I DO. Why can't I take the next step, and get on with my life? I also realize that no one can really answer me, except me, but I needed to get it out. Thank you all for being here! Don
First off, welcome to EC (even if it is a year since you joined)! Second, congratulations on all the progress you've already made in coming out so far. As for the "next step," I'm not really sure what you mean by that. Did you mean coming out to more people, like more friends and extended family? You said your wife is generally accepting, which is great. Have you two figured out where your relationship goes from here? That is, are you still planning to stay together? Since it's been nearly a year since you told her, I assume you have discussed this, but if you haven't, that would be good for both of you to do.
Don Please feel welcome here - as you know there's a good few of us "older ones" here - I'm 34 and struggling, but there are others who have more knowledge, and have been through similar to you - families, kids etc - before coming to realise. I've no doubt they'll be along soon! Might be worth a quick post in the "introductions" section to get yourself noticed too! TM74
My original post was roughly similar, erm ill find it. Although i dont have kids i was married for quite some time, it took separation for me to finally come out. I think what you may be feeling is stuck because you dont want to hurt anyone but also by exploring what you are feeling you may. Have you discussed any of this with a counsellor at all it may help you clear you head and make some rational decisions on what to do. It is extremely hard in your situation i completely understand what you must be going through. I did say to my wife in the first year that i thought i may be gay and then went back in the closet knowing that there was something still there but afraid to be the one to do anything. I thought it would go away but 10 years later now almost to the day tose feelings are still there. It is important that you also include your wife in discusions about way forward then you are both being rational and looking at what you need to do. All I can say is hang in, do not wind yourself up (I know its hard not to) and seek some help to try and move forward. Ive said forward way to many times in this opot, but if you want to talk then you can post on my wall, im sure i may have encountered the same issues as you have.
>>>Why can't I take the next step, and get on with my life? Well, you tell me - what IS the next step? What exactly will "getting on with your life" involve? Lex
Seems appropriate =D OP: Think of something you want. Something particular and not as gray as "to move on." Reach out and grab something different.
Hi Don. I'm glad you decided to post here finally. It helps to get things off your chest, and by talking about them (or typing them somewhere) they become more clear. I think people have asked a good question of you - what is the next step? What does moving forward look like for you? Because other people are involved, you can't move forward entirely on your own. You need to be sure you're in synch with your wife so that you can feel good as opposed to feeling guilty about moving on. It's not going to be easy, and there will be difficult emotions to deal with, but staying where you are isn't really an option any more. Good luck! You can always write back to me if you want to chat more!
