The guy that I am dating more than likely is going to be transferred with his job. He told me tonight that its pretty much a done deal. Let me backtrack. We had a wonderful time this evening I went over to his place had dinner then saw Milk (which I thought was a great movie!). We then went back to his place had a drink and talked. While talking he said the whole thing was stressing him about a bit because he moved here about a year and a half ago, remodeled his home and have made a number of new friends here. I told him that I would hate to see him go because I like him a lot and he said he feels the same way. Then I said that I would like to move our relationship forward. He replied that if it was a week ago he would have said yes but he does not want to hurt me or himself. Before he moved here he dated someone and they both knew that there was a chance that he would be transferred. When he moved here it was very hard for both of them. and he does not want to hurt me. He said that he wants to just see what happens but right now wants to keep things the way they are. I feel a bit crushed. I really like him and I could have seen our relationship going real well and it seems like he feels the same way. In a way I feel comforted in that he does not want to hurt me and also I am happy that he does have feeling for me. In fact he is going to remove his profile from the dating site where we both met each other because since he is moving he does not want to meet anyone else. I do not know what to do. I want to continue to see him because I really like him but I know there is a chance we will not move our relationship forward. Plus he has been real supportive of me and actually wants me to join one of his LGBT groups he is a member of as a way to start meeting others to network and such. In another way I am not too sure if I should just move on so I wont get hurt when he leaves.
First: (*hug*) I'm sorry that he is leaving. Although your relationship with him might not be moving forward, I think you could still try to remain friends him. You two shared things and had some wonderful moments. Treasure them. In many ways you already have a great friendship with him. I would still try seeing him, or getting together with him before he leaves. When you decide to see him, try to see him as a friend. Yes, it's hard especially if you have feelings for him and he has feelings for you. It's never easy. I think joining a LGBT group (even if you decide on another one), is a good idea. In some ways he is actually helping you to start moving on. You will get to know new people which will help you to move on. Yes it will take some time but you will get there. The first ones are always the hardest ones and they will always be with us. We can't change that. But in strange ways we learn from them. They make as stronger. (*hug*)
Thanks, I do feel a little better this morning. I think the best thing for me to do is to remain friends. If anything else comes about for it so be it. We are great friends and for the first time I can be myself when I am around him. He has taught me a bit about myself. Before, when I was confused I thought I was destined to be alone the rest of my life and I was not capable of loving or being loved by someone else. Now I know that its not the case. I might be hard and a little painful but things happen for a reason.
All day I was doing good. But now I am so sad. My eyes are red from crying. I know that I will still have a few months with him but I miss him already. I never had to deal with a broken heart before.
Awww..I'm so sorry. Maybe things will change. At the very least you guys can remain friends. Take it easy. There is still time to spend with him. Maybe you guys can come up with a plan,before he has to leave.
Aw....sorry that you are feeling sad and overwhelmed. (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) It's okay to feel sad and to cry. That's what I did the first time around. For a whole day I watched my favorite TV show which has always made me laugh. It helped a bit. Try to distract yourself. It will take a bit of time, but you will be able to move on. At some point we all do. Maybe what you could do, start creating a bit of distance. In stead of spending an entire evening with him, just spend parts of it with him. Try to build space between you. You don't have to stop seeing him altogether, nor should you. He has become an important part of you. You have a great friend in him. Enjoy the time that you do have with him. Try showing him that you can be his friend. (*hug*)
It is good to feel. Even when it is painful, at least you know you are alive. I partially agree with Asteroid: Create a bit of EMOTIONAL distance, while you continue to enjoy his physical presence. Get out of the house and find a gay business mens group near you, or a choir, or some kind of social group to attend (gay bowling?) so that you don't lose the 'normal' feeling. If you can do this before he leaves, his loss won't affect you as drastically. BIG HUG Tim
I agree, even though it hurts and sucks at least I know I am capable of loving someone. I am going to join a networking group or something to meet other people. There is another guy from the same dating site I emailed a few times online before the holidays. I sent him an email yesterday and he emailed me back that he wants to go for a drink. I think I may take him up on it. I have a PFLAG meeting tomorrow night that I am going to. I like being there because I can be myself.
>>>I like being there because I can be myself. And this, I think, is something to work on. "Being yourself" is something that should be confined to isolated times with select people. Lex
I'm a firm believer in this. Take one day at a time, and see what happens. A transfer might mean the end of this relationship, or it could be just the beginning. Regardless of what happens tomorrow, at least you've had the benefit of this relationship to learn more about yourself and others. Good luck. I'm sure it will work out in the end. (*hug*)
Thanks. I plan to take things as it goes. If we can remain friends that will be great. I have learned a lot about myself. I know that I am capable of having feelings for someone and vise versa. More than anything right now I am a bit confused.
